My mum needed to have surgery on her knee and her recovery was going to be slow. I arranged to take some leave from work to be with my mum for a considerable period, to help her while recovering.
She and my dad are retired and getting on in age, each with their own medical issues. Dad needs looking after as well, so going down just prior to mum’s operation was the best solution.
Being with dad was going to be a challenge I recall thinking to myself — “me spending time with him after so many years of living away from home, I wonder how it will go?”
Luckily, knowing and having practised the work of Belsebuub gave me re-assurance that I could do this, I would need to be more aware of my interactions with my dad and avoid getting caught up and hooked with the mind games that once were part of our relationship.
After the first week of being with my dad, while mum was in hospital recovering, it seemed he and I got on well. When mum got home, he started to ask me to do all sorts of stuff around the house, such as gardening, cleaning the gutters, cleaning out the shed.
This reminded me of what it was like when I was growing up. He never asked my siblings to help him do things, only me, which used to frustrate me. Well, it seems a week into my stay, this old pattern resurfaced.
This time however, I had a range of tools, strategies and techniques that I have learnt through Belsebuub’s work (his courses and books) to fortify myself. With techniques such as self-observation, and awareness (as well as the knowledge about egos), I could approach these interactions differently, I could gauge my own internal state, recognise the internal drive and do something about it.
When I felt any egos being stirred up from our interactions, I had alternatives to I could apply. Instead of ‘reacting’, getting frustrated or walking away feeling angry towards him, I would use self-observation to help guide me towards a more intuitive response.
For example, I felt comfortable enough to simply say to my dad that it was more of a priority that I focus my energy and efforts into looking after both of them than to be doing general maintenance around the house. This took a big effort on my part as speaking to my dad has been one of my weaknesses.
Going through these situations and interactions with him gave me strength to deal with my own internal turmoil but to also stay focused on the primary reason/purpose for me being with them. And, to my surprise, he seemed to accept my responses.
Over the few weeks I spent time around my parents, especially my dad, I was able to see a different side of our relationship. I felt closer to him as though I was building a relationship with him as an adult, rather than a ‘father-child’ relationship.
I got to hear many stories about his life and the challenges he faced growing up. I enjoyed hearing about these as it gave me more insight about him as a person, from an adult perspective. These stories are ones that I never recalled hearing when growing up.
I now have a better understanding on who my father is deep down as a result of spending time with him during this period. I also noticed that because my relationship with my dad somewhat improved, my mum also benefited from this. She felt more at ease and enjoyed the peaceful, relaxed interactions and conversations we could have as a family unit.
I attribute the possibility of being able to have better relationships with my parents to Belsebuub’s work on how to improve one’s self by recognising and work on inner states, because I now have the means to change old patterns, habits, ego states and to enjoy better relationships.