There was a time when living in the country side, I would regularly find myself returning home in the late night hours traveling on a long and predominately empty highway from the nearby city.
Fringed by forests and with the ambience of unfettered starlight the trip had a mystical air and offered a wonderful opportunity where I could explore the practices I had learned of awareness and self-observation in Belsebuub’s self-knowledge course.
Practicing these components uninterrupted for long periods of time I was able to look into and explore them more deeply than I could throughout my everyday activities. It also made my night drives safer, as instead of going along thoughts and feeling sleepy, it helped me to stay awake and break the drive if ever needed as I found awareness helped me be much more attune to my body’s physical needs.
I soon learnt that I could become insipidly aware by relaxing and becoming conscious of my senses but holding onto it for any length of time was very difficult. Thoughts or feelings would soon overwhelm me and I would find myself on some mental or emotional tangent until I could bring myself back through remembrance sometime later to continue the process once again.
Ongoing experimentation taught me that to keep aware I had to be active within by finding a point of continuity and actively observing and pushing for greater depth in being present and conscious.
One evening I was once again on the journey home applying what I had already learnt and searching for that deeper level of being.
Observing within and removing internally any obfuscation to what ability of awareness I could perceive I found I could detect an element of peace, a sense of innate calmness and well-being from within that became clearer and more perceivable the more I continued.
Holding onto awareness and the sense of peace I discovered I could build on that point of continuity as any internal sensation that marred my ability to perceive it was something separate and able to be removed.
The sense of peace and awareness gained strength almost ‘like walking towards a point of light in a dark tunnel‘. If I missed or indulged in a thought or an emotion no matter how perceivably insignificant, the sense of peace dwindled greatly and the point of light retreated or disappeared.
Continuing this process intensely I followed the peace of awareness as it grew more permeable to a point where I felt as if I was just about to step out of the tunnel (of my unwanted thoughts) into the light (the inner peace).
The more I was striving and the closer I got I became increasingly cognisant of uncovering the workings of my mind and a tumultuous cacophony of more subtle and intricate thoughts until finally…stillness.
The exact moment that my mind became quiet and no unwanted thoughts or feelings existed anywhere within me the feeling of peace coalesced into a sensation of indescribable bliss centred within my heart.
I rested within a sea of tranquillity as if every ocean, wave, and waterway had become still at once and a blissful sensation of warmth permeated throughout my body.
There I sat, there I drove. Complete within a moment of time where every sense was accentuated and unimpeded. Where sound became symphonic and sight became crystallised all the while perceiving a veritable richness of well-being from simply being conscious and clear. For a brief moment I was free.
I wasn’t able to hold it for long and eventually a missed thought caused the light (the inner peace) to fade away but it was an eye opening look into the beauty and power of our consciousness, what impedes it and what it takes to experience it.