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How I Learnt to Be in Peace with a Friend Through Consciousness

Experience submitted by Layla Fowler
Experience submitted by Layla Fowler

I had a very interesting experience with being conscious in the moment, which I had learnt about in Belsebuub’s courses and books. I had been trying to build my level of awareness and being able to see within as well for self-knowledge which has been a remarkable learning about myself, and the way that I relate to people.

So much of what’s within me has affected and directed my relationship with people and not always in the best way. I came to see one aspect of this one over a chat one afternoon.

A Meaningful Meeting with My Friend

I was visiting a life long friend of mine and we had known each other from a very young age. We were sitting in the kitchen around the dining table talking.

My friend had grown increasingly angry over the years — something that I could sense each time we caught up.

Anything and everything seemed to provoke them to be angry and I developed a way of being reactionary to this anger by being scared of saying the wrong thing or not meeting their expectations and so causing them to be angry with me, and I began to see them and think of them as just an angry person which then enhanced the fear in me moreso and started to affect our friendship as well.

I didn’t realise how I had been contributing to this person’s anger towards me through this fear reaction in me, until that afternoon.

As we sat chatting, I took a step back from this fear in me and decided to instead just be there in the moment and work on being conscious in that moment, not allow the fear to get hold of me this time around. I relaxed, allowed myself to be conscious to experience that moment with as consciously as I could to just be there with my friend.

Being conscious I then perceived something I never had before, I noticed that the egos of anger had taken over that person’s way of speech and it was now like it was part of their personality, and that they were not even aware of it.

Though they spoke with anger in the way they were interacting with me the thing that they were saying was not of anger itself, as they were just recounting how they felt about something.

I continued to try to perceive the moment consciously and I was able to chat with them with more understanding and love towards them. I was able to tune into what they were saying instead of being clouded by the fear and the anger in their personality that disturbed our communication normally.

I didn’t feel they were attacking me with their anger, because in reality they weren’t, though anger had made its way into forming part of their personality.

This was the first time in many many years that I got to appreciate my friend, have more understanding and compassion, enjoyed our chat and learnt about how I had misunderstood them because of how egos were working in both of us.

Public domain image found on Pexels.

Out of love and mercy I probably received a lot of help from divine help to see this interaction from a  conscious perception.

I feel that when my aim is for the sake of love, peace and understanding that divine help comes to assist me to experience life, in the way that only love can.

Unfortunately it’s so easy to take things personally when egos override my perception of life and of one another and if it had not been for Belsebuub’s wonderful work, I would never have come to experience this incredible profound learning which really brings about compassion, understanding and love.

I can see how so much is lost in communication because of the egos in me that cause me to be negative and ineffective in my communication and lead me to all kind of relationship issues.

My friend and I ended our time together with a lot of love and care and I was so happy to be in peace with them and to also be able to leave them in peace as well.

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32 comments
  • Thanks for posting, Layla.
    I relate to what you said about expressing love and care for others and receiving divine help when doing so.

  • “I feel that when my aim is for the sake of love, peace and understanding that divine help comes to assist me to experience life, in the way that only love can.”

    This is so beautiful and uplifting Layla.

    The egos can really wrap you into your own world that you don’t see if you don’t know how to look, and you don’t see how it affects others or yourself or the interactions between you.

    Once in the beginning of learning about the spiritual work I went to a shop and was speaking to a shop assistant there. Their manner seemed a little emotional and I had a similar fear response of being timid and pulling away from them. But then I was probably helped to see them objectively and in a detached way and I could see how they were in the grip of that emotion and not really seeing me but just being in their world. That was kind of surprising and caused me to have a deeper understanding and seeing how I didn’t need to react with fear as it wasn’t personal.

    Egos make you think about yourself so much. I realised how I was always just concerned about how I appeared to others but never had a thought about what they might be feeling or going through, absolutely not having any sense of care or love towards anyone because of fear or pride.

    There is someone that a family member married that I wanted to get to know. But it was sad to see how they were just engulfed in their own world and weren’t approachable, how they had a big amount of big problems that was completely preoccupying them at all times. However they had an immense love and sensitivity towards animals, while seemingly being very detached from and angry at people.

    Later I realised it was like seeing my own reflection in them, how my problems and fears etc. preoccupy and drain me and cause me to be unapproachable and afraid of people, but instead being free to express that love and care towards plants or animals because of less fear and pride being involved. I wasn’t doing it consciously but it was a little shocking to see how little I cared about any other person and how my love was blocked towards them and at a point I was thinking how I maybe just don’t have any, but then seeing how it was somehow rerouted towards other living things instead because I was too sensitive to people.

    So it’s inspiring to read your account because it shows how love and compassion can be expressed and felt from the consciousness, no matter what our usual habitual responses are. Thank you!

    • Hi Laura,

      I think that’s an interesting observation about how some people can love animals, but dislike or be distant from people. I’ve also found this a curious paradox, particularly when dislike develops into hatred towards particular people, or groups of people. As you mentioned though, because interactions with animals are generally less complex than human relationships, it is in some ways a safer territory, as there is less chance of the misunderstandings, resentments etc., which can crop up and be fed during human interactions. It’s also generally much easier to impose our own will upon animals, particularly pets, and many animals will continue to show love to us despite all of our human inadequacies!

      It’s nice that you were able to discover in your own example that despite being wary of social interactions with people, you still had a natural love and care inside, which came from the consciousness. I can relate to what you said about this reservation blocking the ability to relate to others in a more conscious way, as when we have it, we are constantly on guard in the company of others.

      I’ve found that doing this spiritual work has helped a great deal in overcoming these social stumbling blocks and has allowed me to develop much more natural and caring relationships with people. When I was younger, although I was generally friendly, I used to avoid certain social interactions, as I felt out of my comfort zone. I think a lot of this was related to anxieties, about not quite knowing what to say at the right time and fearing people’s judgement if I revealed too much about myself.

      However, since I started practicing the techniques I learnt from Belsebuub’s work, I noticed a significant reduction in the social anxieties that I used to have around people, particularly strangers. By not having these concerns at the back of my mind, it has allowed me to interact with people more naturally and spontaneously, without there being a constant analysis running at the same time. Also by clearing away some of these anxieties, I feel it has allowed some of the qualities of consciousness more room to be expressed, such as those of love and care, which you mentioned.

      There is definitely a lot we can learn about ourselves and others, when we have the tools to observe and change our social interactions and relationships.

  • Your description of anger being part of a person’s personality stood out to me. I have also felt anger coming from other people’s way of being and automatically responded to those people with an underlying fear.

    This happened even when what the person was saying or doing was not of anger at all. It’s a curious thing. From experience I noticed that I make the situation worse when I let my perception of the other person’s emotion dictate my response to them, while making efforts to just be and relate to the person normally improves the situation.

    I have noticed emotions getting into my own personality. I can see that it’s a big issue and the amount of energy that is drained due to these inner states is immense. Awareness seems to be the way to combat them, because they naturally pull me to see the world from a biased point of view, one related to the fear, pride, anger, etc.

  • Nice to read your experience, Layla.
    Relationships and how to communicate with people as others said is a big school for me as well. Make sense what masters say about the inner work that be isolated “in a cave” doesn’t help and is the interaction with people and relationships that also stir up things from the “milky ocean”.

    Like at your case I feel that a different than usual response or one that comes from awareness state, brakes a pattern and leads things towards a different direction. Maybe not the ideal one but I’m glad when this is happening. It’s like a new page/chapter is starting for this relationship and in a more critical occasion that a crossroad has passed.

    Thanks for sharing it

  • Hi Layla, I really enjoyed reading your experience. Thank you for sharing! What stood out for me was this sentence:

    “I feel that when my aim is for the sake of love, peace and understanding that divine help comes to assist me to experience life, in the way that only love can.” – That love I think is also very much related to sincerity. I’ve often been amazed how these self-knowledge practices can reach so deeply within a person.

    Your experience also reminded me how I have this friend, but our friendship was a bit strange, in a way that we would be always disagreeing on most of the things we would talk about. If we wanted to go somewhere, we would always disagree with the route that we would walk (if there was a choice). And basically not really be ‘friendly’ to each other but often putting the other down, or making fun of them in front of other people.

    After going through Belsebuub’s self-discovery course at a point I started looking into that relationship and tried to take out my personal contribution to this mess. I actually became more considerate and even if a decision wasn’t always the most convenient for me, I would go for it so that it can be a bit easier on the other person.

    I was pleasantly surprised when at a point my friend picked up on this change of attitude, as it was sincere. The depth of the self-observation and awareness exercises actually made it sincere, really coming from within and not just artificially trying to make the other person happy. Soon, that friend changed their attitude towards me as well and we were able to have a good friendship and knew that we can count on each other.

    Even though I’ve lived far away from that friend for quite some years now, we still keep in touch from time to time and I can feel that feeling of friendship is still there.

    • Thanks Pavlin. Your comment made me remember many friendships in my early teens that were similar. Where if a friend and I hung out with other friends then we all started putting each other down, the more hurtful the insult the ‘cooler’. Even at that time a big part of me found it so unpleasant inside. But then being nice, caring, honest… would just make me a target to be joked at. And if I was insulted I would sling something right back to someone who I’d call my friend. All very unpleasant.

      I’ve seen how greater self-knowledge also allows for more power to hurt others. Knowing ego’s better and seeing others’ weaknesses more clearly should be a source of understanding and compassion, to better help others. When that insight of truth is used instead to hurt, it at the same time feels like a betrayal of oneself inside.

      The levels to which young men, or teens or even kids, go to in hurting each other can be shocking. The echoes of nature’s program of brutal competition and survival in action there. I remember one instance for example when I was maybe 10-12 years old where some other kid, the known horrible kid in town, was just constantly insulting me I said things back. But at one point something he said made me say something truly horrible…. I can’t even write down what I said. He went silent and went straight home hurt deep inside because he believed what I said to be true. :’-(!

      When the memory of that instance came back to me a few years back I ‘couldn’t move.’ It’s the antithesis of what I’m trying to work for with my life now. I’m very grateful for the tools of self-knowledge that Belsebuub gives, which allow the study and breaking down of the causes of what made me say those things back then.

      • I wonder if this stage of life, when puberty starts to make us more aggressive, self-conscious and lustful, and all the ego-exchanges it brings, is why we dream so much of our school friends? Or at least, I do – and I’ve heard they can represent the egos and ‘going backwards’ in a way. It’s such an emotionally brutal time, it seems like the testing ground for the personality, or a time that really works to embed it.

        Its seems like we’re also really seeing what feels right and wrong at that age. I can remember some real stings of conscience too – when I said something too mean, or lied … the sense of being internally scolded was very raw.

      • That experience sounds like it must be bringing some deep remorseful states within you Karim. It is indeed painful to realize how hurtful we can be. 🙁

        I was also thinking (maybe you have already done it it) that you can also do a practice of sending him your sincere apologies, wherever he is now, wishing him only the best and whatever else good comes spontaneously to your mind… I have found these “apologies on distance” working very well.

        • Thanks for that reminder Lucia.

          Yes, if in another retrospective study I happen to find my way to looking into that situation again, and it feels right, I’ll definitely try something like that.

      • I think you made some good points there Pavlin, Karim, Ella and Lucia. It’s a pity how this subtle negativity can often underpin close relationships, so that it becomes acceptable or even expected to insult each other. It reminds me of how young animals play fight with each other. On the one hand, it’s not intended to inflict serious damage, unlike when there is a fight with a rival over territory. But underlying the play are the same competitive drives, which want to establish who is the strongest and most dominant.

        I can remember there was a craze for arm wrestling among my peers at school for a while, which I participated in. This competitive behaviour died down after a few months, but looking back, it’s clear that it had the same animalistic mechanisms behind it.

        It strikes me that the “banter”, which passes as acceptable social interaction between friends is of a similar nature to those physical competitions of strength. The competition is much more subtle and is often seen as a way of bonding or just having a laugh, but underneath it seems to be the desire to come out as the victor, by insulting the other person in a very dry and witty way.

        I can also think of similar instances to Karim, where I deliberately insulted someone who had put me down, in order to “get my own back”. Also at an old workplace, a colleague used to give me a hard time, but was in a more senior position, so rather than insulting him back, I tended to made rude remarks to another colleague, who was rather incompetent at his job. I didn’t do it often, but now feel very remorseful about the nasty comments I did make, as although I said them in an instant without thinking, I can see that they could have been very hurtful and damaging to my colleague’s self-esteem.

        It’s definitely worth being aware of the impact our own words can have upon the lives of others.

  • Thanks for sharing that experience Layla. It shows how there can be so much going on within social interactions that is unnoticed by those involved, but which can have a major effect upon their relationship.

    I’ve been working on improving a particular relationship over the last 25 years, with a family member who has some deeply ingrained habits and behaviours that can impact a lot upon other family members. I’ve found the self-knowledge techniques I learnt from Belsebuub to be beneficial in improving this and other relationships, but still found it difficult to put aside thoughts about past grievances, or negative responses to inconsiderate ways of acting.

    However, with a lot of effort, I’ve been able to cut some of my own negativity before it manifests, which includes observing my thoughts as well as my actions. I’ve seen how these negative thoughts can build up negativity within an environment, even when there are not obvious conflicts occurring. It’s very easy for this background negativity to then act as a “touchpaper” for conflict to emerge. To give an analogy, it’s similar to if the gas had been left on over a long period of time, without any flame. Although it’s unseen, the vapour then fills the air and it only takes a match to ignite it, or even cause an explosion.

    I’ve also noticed how easy it is to miss my own contributions towards negative interactions, as they may seem very minor in comparison to the other person’s behaviour. But like you described in your account, I’ve seen what a difference it can make when I develop a more objective outlook and am more aware of my own emotional responses. In fact, it can be incredible to see how quickly relationships can be improved when I make efforts to cut my own negativity towards another person, including subtle negativity in my tone of voice, or unspoken criticisms in my thoughts.

    As part of this process, I’ve found that it has been helpful to try and understand the limitations of the other person. Sometimes it can seem as if someone is deliberately being difficult or hurtful, particularly if they are doing something that I wouldn’t consider doing to them. This can easily bring up counter-reactions, but I realised that often these behaviours may just be down to the person’s lack of understanding and their inability to put themselves in someone else’s shoes.

    There can be many layers of subtlety underpinning social interactions and a lot is connected to the way we say things, as much as the actual content of what is said. For example, I’ve noticed people recounting stories of a difficult interaction and on the surface, it appears that they are the victim and that the other person is the aggressor. But when I’ve actually observed similar interactions between the same individuals, I’ve seen how seemingly neutral words may be loaded with resentment, which can completely change the context and meaning. For example, even a positive and supportive statement such as “I really want you to be happy” could be very biting and hurtful if it is said in a sarcastic or sneering way.

    It can be much easier to notice these subtle emotions manifesting in others, but I’m making an effort to try and be equally observant of the way in which they manifest in my own interactions and responses to others. Although it can be tough to try and break down automatic ways of acting and wipe clean past resentments, I’ve found it’s well worth it in the long run as it can create a much more pleasant environment for all parties involved.

    • HI Michael

      Yes I’ve seen how complex it is in me alone, to understand how complex it can be. If it hadn’t been for learning about awareness, self observation and how to get rid of the egocentricity that Belsebuub explained, I can only imagine that I would have lost a dear friend a long time ago, but those techniques have helped me a great deal to keep trying to increase the light within me and try to see what’s shaping the way I interact with others and how to be free of those hindrances to love within me.

      Learning to gain self knowledge I’ve seen how the egocentric ways always look outside for the problem and that perpetuates failing relationships from my own experience, and with the perpetualness stemming from that negativity within me. I think forgiveness is a key factor to having the resolve to be free of the negativity within and I’ve seen how difficult it can be to forgive because it would mean negating the platform that the negativity has built its fortress upon. I remember a situation that happened in a middle eastern country a few years back where a man had splashed acid on a woman who would not marry him, and the matter went to court and according to that custom she was awarded the opportunity under their laws to also do the same to him. She said she was very tempted and others were also supporting her ‘right’ to do the same back, however she choose to forgive him instead. It was the first time that I saw how forgiveness is such a powerful and strong attribute and I was very amazed hearing her say that. The man I think did have other penalties but I don’t remember that part of the story.

      Going back to relationships I think that they provide us with an invaluable mirror into ourselves that I too often forget to appreciate and learn from what I’m seeing.

      Really appreciated your feedback it inspired me to review a current situation I’m struggling with and to see my own negativity that is clouding it from a stance of ‘feeling right’.

      • Thanks for relaying that example of the middle eastern woman’s forgiveness Layla.

        It makes me think that even though when we give up a pleasure, a sin or a payback it might seem like we gain nothing. And that if we choose to forgive it’s because we already had that virtue inside or something. But perhaps that mindset is wrong and we actually very much ‘gain’ something inside, an increase in virtue according to the measure of the wrong.

        I’ve also heard a story that James Cameron, the film director, told where he went to visit a dying man who survived the Nagasaki nuclear bomb detonation. In fact this man was in Hiroshima when the first bomb dropped, he then travelled by train to Nagasaki to be in the second bombing as well. I don’t remember all the exact details right now but he said something like ‘if I am able to forgive others for these things then anyone is capable of forgiveness.’

        • What an interesting take on virtue, Karim. I think both perspectives are probably correct. If we already have a given virtue, then we might not even be tempted by a given pleasure or opportunity for revenge, etc. On the other hand, if we don’t yet have that virtue but are working towards achieving it, by overcoming the ego’s desire, we do gain in virtue.

          These examples of forgiveness, for the man who survived two bombings, or for the Middle Eastern woman Layla mentioned, who was disfigured (and I think also blinded) by her attacker and chose to forgive… it is astounding. Being able to forgive such terrible acts sounds like a nearly impossible feat. Ella’s quote, “Love is eternal forgiveness”, seems quite accurate in this regard. If we were always able to feel love, perhaps we could always forgive.

      • Thanks for sharing that powerful example of forgiveness from the Middle East Layla. I totally agree that forgiveness plays a huge part in overcoming our own negativity. It reminds me of the saying, “Love is eternal forgiveness”

      • I enjoyed reading your experience Layla, something that hit home with me too. There’s truth to what you say about forgiveness and how it “negates the platform that the negativity built its fortress upon”: it would mean for us to sacrifice that source of negativity – the self-righteousness, pride, expectations or whatever poison it is that keeps us locked within it and the selfish pleasure that feeds it – for the love and care of others. I’m glad to see how the insight you gained about yourself and your friend using consciousness and compassion has also helped you build a more stronger and meaningful relationship with them.

        • I think you have brought forward some very worthwhile points about forgiveness Layla, Karim, Ella, Mike and Patricia. I think it shows an incredible strength of character to be able to put aside the desire for revenge, in order to forgive someone who has caused us significant harm, and the cases of the Middle Eastern woman and the Japanese man are outstanding examples of this.

          It seems that the more conscious we can become, the better chance we have of acting correctly in a given situation. For example, there are times when justice needs to be served, particularly in the cases of terrible crimes, as to avoid punishing a person would allow them to go on and commit further atrocities. But as Belsebuub mentioned in relation to the injustices that he has gone through during his own life, there is a big difference between ensuring that justice is served impartially and objectively, in contrast to deliberately seeking to cause harm to another person out of a desire for revenge.

          It can be very difficult to learn to forgive and it’s something I often struggled with before finding the tools to change my negative inner states through Belsebuub’s work. I have since found it easier to learn to forgive in everyday situations, but I still find it amazing to witness the extent to which people are able to forgive those who caused them significant harm. The cases already mentioned are great testimonies to this, as are the extraordinary examples shown by people like Nelson Mandela, who forgave his captors after 27 years of unjust imprisonment and even became friends with PW Botha, who played a key role in his captivity. Or the Dalai Lama, who forged a friendship with Chairman Mao Zedong, despite his role in exiling the Tibetan leader from his homeland and the atrocities committed against the Tibetan people during his leadership.

          Although the qualities of love and care may not be always treated with the value that they deserve, I think these examples show how it takes a lot of strength to allow them to manifest within ourselves, when all the evidence shows that we have been seriously wronged. It’s far easier to automatically retaliate out of spite, but much harder to forgive in a conscious way.

  • This was wonderful to read Layla, thank you very much for sharing! I really like how this experience stresses the need to really detach from the WAY somebody communicates their point. More often than not, as you found out, it is not really anything personal, just the way a person is, due to the inherrent egos that became a part of their personality over time.
    It is interesting that you were able to spot how your friend had became angrier over time, and that’s indeed scary. Makes me think what will happen if I don’t make efforts to change my “characteristic” ways of being.

    I also like how your account paints a clear picture of the complexities of the ego-exchanges between people. One person talks with anger that he/she is not even aware of, or maybe even is, but its too strong for them to control, and the other peorson takes it personally due to the pride and lack of objectivity and compassion towards the other person, and escalates the interaction into new levels of subjectivity and negativity. I can imagine how, after the inapproppriate reaction of the second person, the first person, who was not originally dircting their anger at that particular person, may actually start feeling anger and negativity towards them. Like this, it is possible to keep escalating things until a real fight or breakup of a relationship literally out of nothing, just due to the self-absorbed way we are…

    This brings to my mind a funny video that’s been recently circulating online that maybe some people have already seen, which kind of depicts this topic in a humorous way: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-mju_gW3c8

    • Hahaha. I hadn’t seen that one, but that guy has done a really good job in highlighting some of the traps people get into, and the general ‘codes’ in commercial spirituality – you have to be vegan, do yoga, etc.

    • That’s a good summation Lucia of how things go down because of the egos within us.

      If it hadn’t been for the awareness and the divine help to perceive the moment consciously I don’t think my relationship would have improved as it has from that time on. Its such a different way of seeing life and its so much more compassionate and brings so much more understanding. I could actually hear that person instead of reacting to their way of communicating and it became such an interesting conversation; it was like we could see eye to eye, which we hadn’t for a long time, like soul to soul. It showed that it has to start somewhere and when it starts it really has a potential for a lot of change in the air and in a short time. It was such an eye opening experience, I felt so relieved when I learned to see reality in that moment and also being able to verify how the egos do actually shape our personality and how I had taken even the most harmless of things in the wrong way because they were said through the ego that even my friend was completely unaware off. I also felt a sense of sadness from that person, for being misunderstood when they hadn’t meant things the way they came out but that they weren’t aware why they were causing a reaction back at them.

      Anyways it was a very eye opening experience and I’m so grateful that I had the opportunity to gain love and understanding with my dear friend.

      Too funny video Lucia – but how true is he’s parody!!

  • Thanks for sharing your experience, Layla. It is a beautiful illustration of how, through consciousness, we can better connect with people. I’m sure it would have been quite difficult, especially to overcome the fears of making your friend angry at you. I’m glad you were able to better communicate with your friend and that you parted on such loving terms.

    I think your story also serves as a somber reminder of how important this inner work is. The vantage point from which you saw the situation, I think, illustrates how divergent two lives can be psychologically: yours, through working to develop consciousness, and your friend’s, who had a lot of anger. I don’t think badly of your friend, but I kind of feel bad for their situation, how over the years they have become absorbed in anger.

    This is something I’ve perceived from time to time, that without the inner work, we eventually get caught up in feelings and patterns of behaviour, and over time this becomes our identity and way of life. At some point, it almost seems like we get stuck in our ways and can’t change, or maybe that the change is just that much more difficult.

    I hope your friend can find more peace and happiness.

    • Mike I think you summed it up really well in your main last paragraph.

      I know personally that if it hadn’t learnt the self knowledge skills that my situation would have been much worse than my friends. What’s also interesting is that seeing it in someone else looks like its much worse in them but that’s often because I haven’t yet discovered it in me – when I do discover it in me, the other person’s attributes pale by comparison.

      • Very true. It is much easier to see the flaws of others and to even “understand” the damages their egos cause. Then seeing the same defects within oneself is truly shocking. It is a wonderful thing to have the opportunity to see darkness within and to remove it.

  • That’s wonderful Layla.

    I know there exist many great mystical experiences and such, but being able to make a change in the way we interact with old friends, breaking a long-lasting unpleasant pattern for example, is something really amazing imo.

    I know I have many locked ways of interacting, with friends of the past and family, still within me. Breaking those very very ingrained patterns is not easy I find. For me it seems to go in steps, peeling away the onion’s layers of my auto-reactions.

    With some I’ve seen big fears in me, like you mention here, afraid of the negativity that might be directed towards me, making me not be myself but bend to others’ negativity. Which also has the consequence of pushing me away from such relationships.

    With another I’m easily triggered to react when unfairness is being spoken to me, because of a long history of unfairness from that person. Again this has the effect of making me ‘move away.’ Which in part is natural and good, but it’s good to be detached so that the love towards that person can still remain and I’ve not turned completely cold towards them, despite them not treating me well at times.

    Like I mentioned perhaps mystical experiences might seem very grand and cool, but to be able to be calm within in the face of such strong ego relationships of our past and childhood would signify a change within us that is actually very special. I’m not there yet, but looking forward to making my way there.

    • Hey Karim,

      I really like what you say here, and I can very much relate. It seems that the pressure-cooker times are often when we’re faced with mirrors of ourselves in the egos we’ve built through the people who we’ve spent most time with, and it’s then that all the practise-room work gets a test. It also makes me think of somewhere in Belsebuub’s biography reading how his mother had remarked that he’d changed in her eyes. It sounds like a small thing, but actually when you realise how hard it is to step out of the image that someone has of you and create a new one through new actions, it starts to sound remarkable.

      • Yes I also remember this how, his father I believe, said he’d noticed a change in him during the dealings with very difficult circumstances. And it was mentioned that the changes he’d brought about in himself through the work had made him stronger as a person.

        I was recently experiencing a bit how in those close relations, or by those we’ve felt hurt by, there’s a great opportunity for us to grow our compassion. If we can com to understand and overcome the ego states involved.

    • I think what helped me that day Karim was like a light had been turned on and I saw things from a conscious perspective instead of the interplay of egos between us that we normally would have had. I was seeing reality and I think it was also showing me how my own egos are shaping me, as though it was life reflecting back at me.

      It was an important experience for me and my friendship with my friend and so grateful for that learning and to turn things around with my friend. Sharing this experience on this experience site has also given me a new point of reflection when I was reading everyone’s comments so thanks very much for sharing your thoughts and to everyone else here as well

  • This is really wonderful to read Layla, thank you. Childhood/old friends can be the hardest people to find a peaceful way of interacting with, up there along with family. There’s so much that’s passed between you, so many memories, resentments, expectations – sometimes I can really sense the mental cloud that surrounds just the image/name of an individual.

    I really liked what you said about when your aim is love and understanding, that you’re open to divine assistance. I’ve also felt this, and how different it is when I am detached from another’s egos in how I can respond to them. My egos take everything very personally and only ever escalate the situation. The consciousness can pacify and diffuse tension. It’s also worked the other way for me, when I’ve been brought out of my egos or reaction through another just being present and my subconscious attempt to cause a drama just falls apart. I’ve been left feeling incredibly grateful in those moments.

    Your experience reminded me of this article, “Don’t Let Yourself be Dragged Down into the Pit of Others Emotions and Thoughts”

    https://belsebuub.com/articles/dont-let-yourself-be-dragged-down-into-the-pit-of-others-emotions-and-thoughts

    • Thanks for sharing that link, Ella. I really love that article. It would be amazing not to be affected by people around me.
      I also find it difficult to not get dragged into the past in a way, when speaking with childhood friends. I feel they’re expecting me to be exactly who I used to be, and I feel bad if I disappoint in some way. But yes, I have been able to feel love towards them, and I think they can sense that. At times the relationship has even felt better because I’m able to behave a bit differently than I used to.

    • I know what you mean Ella, is almost like an act of mercy in itself when a person’s own efforts of being conscious helps to lift me up as well out of the pit of my own lower vibration.

    • I’ve also had this happen Ella where noticing someone else’s level of being conscious and concentrated was such a contrast and helped me to break free from whatever subconscious cloud I was in. I’ve also had times where I felt everyone in a room would be in some subconscious state or another, yet I was focussing on what was happening within me was fighting for clarity and could reach it. In those moments I felt very separated from others’ way of being and just looking around, like in a cafe or in the street or whatever, can seem like a movie playing or something everyone engrossed in their subconscious world. Like that line from the article you quoted mentions: “You might think people are relatively peaceful around you—they’re not— they’re thinking, going through emotions, constantly in a daydream.”

      Makes me want to be more concentrated and aware, to have a more peaceful energy within and to be a better example to others as well.

About Belsebuub

belsebuub mark pritchard
Image © Mark Pritchard
Mark Pritchard (Belsebuub) is an author and spiritual teacher that has been writing about and demonstrating practical techniques for self-discovery for more than twenty-five years. Read more

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