The meditation on an ego practice was not my first choice of spiritual practices when I began exploring the techniques I read about in Belsebuub’s works.
But over time I began to see its true value as something radically life changing and which had just as much and perhaps even more impact on my life as learning to travel out of the body.
Meditating Upon the Ego(s)
I’ve found that it’s a hard practice to quantify immediately as the direct result often takes time to witness as the fruit of the practice grows visible in life’s circumstances.
It is also a challenging practice as it takes a good deal of courage to face the roots of suffering in my life in such a direct way. But I’ve come to be so grateful for this practice and the power in it.
Information from Beyond the Mind
If I want to see something clearly within, to understand it in-depth, I need to extract myself completely from it in order to see it as it is. Thus many times when doing this practice I found myself in a dead end, where my current understanding was no longer sufficient to go deeper. This is when I often fall into a deep meditative state mixed with sleepiness which is a very beneficial step with this practice.
I remember one day I was at home doing this meditation on a source of suffering I had recently seen in myself. Through the steps of the practice I traced this suffering back to a root cause of fear; fear of dying.
This basic & raw fear, is in itself something that nearly all human beings share and while I wrestled with this and its relationship with the larger set of inner reactions I saw were connected, I was at a standstill in the practice.
I wasn’t stuck on the fear of physical pain during death, but more the great fear of losing this life and it’s opportunity. So relaxing as deeply as I could I gently but firmly held this conundrum in my mind and just waited and watched.
‘Why am I afraid of dying?’…. I’m not sure how long I waited, but after some time a response came to me out of the void and hit me like a psychic blow to the head.
I was so shocked I think I shook my head and opened my eyes. The response I received was nothing that I could have ever imagined. My mind could never have made this up as it was so far outside my view of life and the world. It completely turned me upside down and gave me insight into death & dying that went directly to my heart.
When this practice goes well I often finish with tears coming down my face. They can be tears of joy or tears of remorse, but in any case they are a sign of a deep understanding, a newly found humility and a gratefulness to Divinity for helping me in this process of internal transformation.
Sticks & Stones Will Break My Bones But…
On another day I had been meditating for a number of hours and I ended with the meditation on the ego. The strong practices leading up to using this technique made it quite effective that day and afterwards walking through the busy city with all its noise and bustling crowded streets I felt completely free and detached from it all.
I felt physically light, my mind was clear and I also felt indestructible. The thought of the childhood saying ‘Sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me’ came to my mind then and I laughed. Because in my current state I felt I had taken a good step to making that a truth inside myself.
My practice that day had been partly focused on eliminating certain thoughts and feelings which made me dependent upon others for my self-value and which basically enslaved me, rather than let me see life clearly.
This was a step through non-attachment to others perception of me, but also to being able to endure negativity from others too. And this sense of peace and freedom I felt that day regardless of the world around me, has stayed in my memory since and helped me remember myself and how I can be free of the affects of others, while also being fair and kind in the world.
A New Door to Life
Still many times when I finish that practice I feel like I’ve shed another layer of the onion and come out lighter and more conscious, closer to the Spirit.
Each time life seems to begins anew, as after I work within to transform the darkness into light, I myself have changed (even if just a little), and so how I experience life and how life unfolds around me has also changed. And the changes and potential of my life are unknown and waiting to be discovered. And I am very happy for that.