While practicing self-observation, a technique I learned from Belsebuub’s work, I was able to discover some of the patterns that were repeating in my daily life and find out eventually, why they were happening.
I like what Belsebuub says about patterns. After exploring patterns while self-observing, I could relate more to his message:
“Negativity forms patterns, and so low emotions and ego states repeat, thus reinforcing and strengthening those patterns and states. When they become stronger it’s not easy to get out of them, unless the patterns can be recognized and you are able to step outside the ego states, by observing them and thus getting knowledge of them.”
~ Belsebuub, The Awakening of Perception – chapter four ‘On Removing Some of the Obstacles to Love’
In another book Belsebuub explains how such patterns also apply to the whole of humanity:
“The same psychological patterns go on; they repeat from one generation to the next. And these patterns repeat within each person’s life, causing everyone to go through a mechanical pattern. No matter how much someone may think that society is improving, the inner psychological world continues to go through this pattern.”
~ Belsebuub, Gazing into the Eternal – chapter two ‘What Is Valued in Life’
Observing Patterns in My Daily Life
A situation was repeating in my daily life and every time it left a sad and stressful outcome. At the beginning, I could see only the aftermath. Feeling sad and disappointed. Seeing the situation repeat quite a few times, with the same outcome I felt so terribly trapped and wanted to get out of it as soon as possible.
I began to notice the process repeating more. I could see it again and every time it was happening I had the “here we go again…” feeling. I was trying to do something different, to respond in a different way, or not to respond, or to disorientate the process of it, but nothing worked sufficiently like it was too late. As though it wasn’t enough or it was just a patch to cover things for a while.
Overall it felt like I wasn’t doing the right thing.
Going down the Rabbit Hole
The problem was still there and every time was “ooh not again!!” and it felt unbearable. Applying the self-observation more attentively, gradually the situation became more familiar to me. It was like a game that I could learn to play, improvise and see what worked better. Combining the retrospection technique, (another exercise I learned from Belsebuub’s work) I managed to see the whole pattern that was repeating. It was a mixture of intentions, expectations, bad reactions and misunderstandings that were causing the mess.
It took me ages and I tried many different things, but what worked best was to catch the pattern at the very beginning and do my best from then on. It was like standing at the seaside where waves were crashing on me and I had to be prepared when I saw bigger ones coming in and try not to let them take me down. I was aware that they will come again at some point but the difficulty was to see them at the right time.
I thought the main part of a reaction was at the very beginning of an event; however, it wasn’t really…
Working on it I saw that the pattern could start even two days before the actual situation appeared. When I thought everything was “fine” and things were rolling smoothly… As I did this I observed a familiar thought pattern that kept repeating.
The situation kept repeating, but it was easier for me to deal with. I could catch the pattern in early stages and act in a different way, according to my understanding, with, let’s say, a wiser way. One key point was to stay detached from the things which were leading the situation to the same outcome. The situation is still repeating but it’s like a bubble which broke and it doesn’t look so big and overwhelming anymore.