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How I Combated Recurring Depression

Tina
Experience submitted by Tina Nurr

I remember when I was a teenager how heavy I felt at times that I just spent days and months thinking about life and my own emotional states. I felt this was a kind of a way of being for me, my response to life and to my own feelings and thoughts. Later on, I realised that this kind of thinking and being brought with it lower states and I started to wallow in them–making them stronger over time.

The Cycles of Depression

When I was 16, I experienced my first year of being very depressed–the feelings of despair slowly enveloped me and I couldn’t see a way out–but kept searching for answers within myself. I was totally lost.

Another episode started when I was 18 years old–again it slowly crept in and before I knew it I was deeply depressed.

This cycle repeated again and I started seriously looking into the causes within me. But apart from understanding that I had problems with experiencing a whirl of emotions and that I needed to change–I didn’t know what to do.

The Answer

These events continued until I found out about Belsebuub’s work on inner change. I began to attempt to learn about my own ways of thinking and behaving, using Belsebuub’s technique on self-observation, as well as another exercise to permanently remove harmful emotions and inner states which led me towards higher and lighter states of being. I thought this was exactly what I was looking for and as I have previously tried various other techniques and ways of studying myself I had nothing left but to try this way and see if things would improve. It all made sense so I used my time learning, looking into my self–reflecting and observing myself in daily life.

Me contemplating the view

The Change

After some time of studying and learning about my own inner states and emotions I realised my reactions to life changed and I was able to perceive the events of my life in a new way–a way that didn’t leave me paralysed with all sorts of unwanted low emotions and I was able to perceive them above the surface of daily life. Some difficult events continued to unfold but my responses kept changing and improving the life I was leading. Thanks to the techniques I learned from Belsebuub’s work I am able to handle life in a whole new way and because of that I don’t slip into the depression anymore. The cycles of depression have ceased and I am able to pick myself up above my emotions and feelings and continue with the inner work, living instead in clearer and calmer states within.

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11 comments
  • Hi Tina, like others I also think it’s amazing and kind of unique you were naturally aware of these cycles of low states happening, I mean even being aware of the fact that it was your own inner states causing your problems, instead of an external factor causing them. Because if I compare how I thought about or dealt with strong low states at a similar age, I was completely submerged in them and wallowing in them and not realising it’s really harmful for me and that I have the choice to say this is something negative that’s going to negatively affect me or others and I need to not allow it to control my thoughts and emotions, that this is not an intelligent way to deal with life or solve my problems. Only by studying Belsebuub’s work did I realise I have that choice.

    Also, I realised that for me, getting in some low states is related to a ‘victim mentality’ – I feel like I’m the victim of other people’s actions or circumstances and so I have the right to feel awful about it, and that by feeling awful I’m somehow going to change it. Or that I need to feel awful because things aren’t going so well and it’s like a natural response to mistakes or difficulties. But like others mentioned here when I can recognise that cycle starting within me and try to clear it instead of following along with it, if I persist I can avoid going into a heavy state. It’s helped me really feel and experience that by trying to be clear it’s a much better way to deal with whatever difficulties or problems there are, and it helps not to close the connection with my divine parents, that going into low states would do.

    It’s really wonderful that the cycle of depression is not occurring for you anymore. To feel calm and light instead of heavy, it’s a really great thing and must have changed your whole life so much. Thank you for talking about it.

    • Yes, I agree that the “victim” mentality is something to avoid Laura. I’ve slipped into that way of thinking many times, particularly when the actions of others have caused a lot of challenges in my life. But any kind of negative inner state tends to self-perpetuate and wallowing in self-pity just brings further misery. Whereas, fighting for consciousness brings its own reward, which is a greater sense of peace.

  • Thank you for sharing your experience, Tina. I think it’s quite unique that instead of, what’s more common these days, blaming external events, you very intuitively looked within and knew there were patterns and states in there you needed to understand. Of course seeing that is only the first step, but the transformation you brought about after you learned more about self-knowledge through Belsebuub’s work is truly inspiring. It really shows that we can bring about amazing and wonderful changes within ourselves with a methodical study and strong efforts!

  • Thank you for sharing your story Tina. Knowing you now, it is hard to imagine you as somebody who would wallow in low states. 🙂 But I know what you mean, as I also used to fall into depressive moods regularly in the past, even though maybe not of such intensity as what you have described. These low moods would come and go despite the fact that I had solved the problems I thought were causing them, but new problems always arose, and the low states latched unto them… Learning about the ego-states and how to remove them from Belsebuub’s material really brought a lot of understanding and relief for me, similarly to what you have described.

    Another thing I wanted to say is that I find it very inspiring how you have been actively searching to change yourself from such an early age, trying different methods, etc. For me, I needed a shock in my life to realise that things were not OK, as otherwise everything seemed fine on the surface… But I guess everyone gets what they need, at the right time.

    Wishing you a continuous progress and a lot of Divine guidance on your journey!

    • Thanks, Lucia!
      What I noticed during these cycles of depression is that most of the time the low moods were coming from inside of me rather than from the outside (so no particular events triggered them). Later on, after I found the work of Belsebuub, I realised that the underlying reason was the absence of the connection with the divine, which for me meant no reason to live.
      Also, the experience itself has taught me a lot but above all, it taught me about what it is like to be depressed – otherwise I would have never known it. I would never be able to feel real compassion for someone in the same position. So in that respect, I am very glad and thankful to have gone through this experience.

      • I agree about the absence of the connection to the Divine Tina. In the past, I also tried to find out where is that underlying feeling of dissatisfaction with life coming from, and I did make some active attempts to solve it, like for example being involved in art, which provided me with a little bit of inner connection and magic. But there were still so many unanswered questions, especially about love, relationships, and “what is it all good for” type of questions that never went away, so I just had to keep searching untill fortunately I also found these teachings (and managed to have some direct spiritual experiences thanks to them), which put everything into perspective, and then depression just didn’t make sense anymore, since I knew then what to do and why I was here.

        Another important thing I learned about depression was also that as a low state in itself, it takes us to the lower levels of being, and therefore to the lower dimensions in sleep, and that’s exactly what we need to avoid in order to reach spiritual liberation. So then there was no more question for me about whether to allow myself to be depressed or not… Now since the depression is just the extreme end of feeling negative, there is still a lot of work to do in this area in order to eliminate all the aspects of this state from my daily interactions, which sometimes seems like a never-ending task due to this behavior being so ingrained in us. :-O

        Wishing you and everyone all the strength in this battle!

      • Such helpful insight and understanding Tina; getting to that underlying reason for me is so valuable, it helps me to understand it from that point of view you mentioned. I hope that your experience gives strength and inspires understanding in other people who are seeking to overcome depression. Getting to the root cause is like opening a new door, something new can start again.

        I wish you a lot of inspiration and divine guidance to help you to keep growing in love and understanding 🙂

  • Thanks Tina and I know what you mean and have had similar situations, so happy to hear such experience of hope and determination!

    Interesting how you also described the depressive states as occurring in cycles, it’s amazing the learning that comes from self observation and discovery into how our thoughts and feelings work and what triggers them and how they work.

    I’ve also seen how its possible to catch the very onset of a negative states through being able to observe myself, catching that very tiny first thought or feeling that is the beginning of the pull into low states. I remember one experience most vividly as I saw this tiny negative thought arise in my mind and with the technique to eliminate that thought I was able to stop the onset of negative subsequent feelings, and from that I got a light feeling of being, instead of a low sinking feeling.

  • Very uplifting to read this Tina, thank you. It seems to me that being stuck in one’s own depression for so long like that is so difficult, and blinding one’s attitude towards life. Fantastic how you kept fighting. It must have felt amazing when you finally had the tools to actually properly break out of that! Was there a particular moment that you remember where you realised ‘omg I’ve actually it, something that is working’ or was it a more gradual realisation?

    • Hi Karim,

      It was a gradual progression that happened during the course of my life but when I found out about Belsebuub’s work I was able to finally use the technique to reduce those heavy emotions. Some years ago I realised that I wasn’t getting depressed anymore as the cycles were repeating every few years before.

  • Thanks for sharing your story Tina. I can very much relate to what you mentioned about recognising that negative states like depression were repeatedly coming up, but not knowing how to get rid of them.

    It’s really good to hear that by persisting with the techniques you learnt, you have found a much better way of living, in which you feel clearer and calmer. Gaining that kind of freedom from lower emotions is a great motivator and puts into perspective any difficulties that we may encounter along the way.

About Belsebuub

belsebuub mark pritchard
Image © Mark Pritchard
Mark Pritchard (Belsebuub) is an author and spiritual teacher that has been writing about and demonstrating practical techniques for self-discovery for more than twenty-five years. Read more

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