In college, I studied western psychology, and much of what I learned was about the influence of childhood, and how past traumatic experiences can lead to problematic behaviors and thought patterns later on in life.
I thought that perhaps I could uncover something by looking at my past, particularly by looking at my relationship with my father. My dad has a strong personality. I wanted to see how this may have influenced my sense of self, and to discover how to move past it. I decided to use a practice of retrospection that I learned from Belsebuub’s courses.
I sat down to do a retrospection practice, relaxing my body and turning my attention back to my childhood. I watched scenes of my life in a small small carriage house surrounded by trees, and scenes of… incredible happiness!
I was somewhat taken aback, as in place of the trauma I expected to find I found a father creating cardboard archery targets, building a three-story treehouse (complete with dungeon), playing exciting games, having home-made shields and swords for me and my friends to play with, building intricate snow castles, building model rockets, exciting bedtime stories…
Yes, instead of trauma, I found a lot of love.
The revelation from the practice turned my understanding on its head.
I began to notice that times that I had thought I was a victim were, in reality, passive-aggressive reactions to anger, and the ‘hurt’ that I was supposedly feeling was blocking love and appreciation.