• Search

My Battle for Inner Peace

Experience submitted by Lucia Beznik

Shortly after my arrival to California some friends and I arranged a several days retreat, eager to experience something outside of the mundane, and also to try to astral project to a particular location in outer space. I was really looking forward to this retreat, hoping to get to know these new friends better, and also to experience some astral projections.

However, things were going to happen in a bit of a different way than I anticipated…

From Expectations to Facing Difficulties

On the very day we were about to go, several things started to go wrong. We were running late, and so everything was done in haste, bringing up a lot of emotions and some nasty inner states within me. By the time we finally arrived to the location, it was already evening and other people had already pitched their tents, but I was glad that finally we were there and hoped that things would start improving. That was not going to be the case though.

Situations continued to happen during the following days that kept pushing my emotional buttons very hard. Not wanting to cause any disturbances or scenes there, I just held it all inside, trying to somehow keep my balance, but each time I thought I was getting somewhat peaceful, a new shock arrived, stirring my emotions even harder.

My astral practices were unsuccessful as a result of this turmoil and when the last day arrived, I wished I could just pack my things and go home instead of spending another day of feeling this internal turmoil there. I had no means of doing that though, so I just kept struggling internally to the point that I could not even talk to anybody anymore, because I was afraid I would start crying if I tried speaking, so I just kept quiet.

Then early afternoon on that day, we all decided to go for a short walk. The same situation repeated on the walk again and as I was walking, I reached to the point I thought I was going to have an emotional outburst. Still not wanting to disturb everyone else, I decided to stay behind a bit and walk on my own, still seeing my friends in the distance.

Getting Inner Peace using Self-Knowledge Technique I learned in Belsebuub’s Courses

As I was walking, I felt the emotional waves that wanted to bring me to tears and also a strong tension to the point of pain in my stomach. I remember at that point I became quite surprised to notice this strong pain in my stomach, and thought to myself that if this continued, I was going to develop some stomach ulcers soon.

It was only then that I was able to start sincerely applying the technique of eliminating the negative inner states through a specific prayer that I learned on Belsebuub’s courses. Over the next 20 minutes or so, I prayed for the elimination of at least the strong pain in my stomach, so I could feel physically better.

At first, it didn’t feel like anything was happening, but I just kept asking while walking, using the words and prayers as a means to ground myself and fight the upcoming outburst. Then suddenly, I started to feel peace… but what a peace!

It was nothing like I have ever experienced before. Everything was gone; all the turbulent emotions, pain, tensions, and even the mental attitude I had before about that situation were gone. I could barely remember why I was so concerned before, now I suddenly saw everything in a completely new light.


I could finally perceive the beauty of landscape around me, warming sun, and I felt so free and happy! In addition to this total peace and lightness, I also felt strong love towards my friends  there. I wanted to run to them and hug everyone! I suddenly realized how everyone needed love and support and I was now eager to give it, because I felt so much of it inside.

When we came back from the walk, it was time to make a fire and while some people helped with that, I sat down with one friend, talking about a book he liked, I could feel how the newly gained lightness and love inside me made people open up about themselves and I had a great talk with a couple of them that evening.

Then we started looking at pictures and writings about the location that was chosen for the astral practice that night. Everybody shared something and we went to sleep very inspired. During  that night, I managed to astral project several times, visiting some unexpected places, getting teachings about my inner state and I have no hesitation about the reason for these successes. It was due to the inner work I carried out during the day that I was able to earn these experiences.

The next morning it was time to go and I wished the retreat would have lasted longer! Right when things started working for me, I had to go? But I found that’s how things often are in the spiritual work — when things finally start to work, it is time to go and face new challenges.

Later on that day, I was able to peacefully resolve my issues with the people involved and while doing that, I could feel how my changed inner state affected the way they dealt with me. It was apparent they had their own problems, but through the lenses of my egos I could only see my own suffering, but was blind to that of others.

The powerful peace, freedom and love I felt on that occasion lasted for a few more days, until it was gradually smothered by the egos again, but it gave me a clear idea of the amazing potential of this psychological work.

  • Lucia I love this story, I found it inspirational and beneficial. I recall you writing about it before and how much it helped me to understand a similar situation I had when I was going through an unpleasant experience myself at a particular retreat I had attended. It took me some time to recognize that the incident was an incredible learning opportunity for me to study myself and was a great way to help me identify the hidden egos within and apply Belsebuub’s techniques to eliminate them.

    • Hi Paty, I am very happy to hear that my experience helped you in the past in a similar situation. These spiritual retreats sometimes play out differently than we expect, but very helpful in the end! What I like most about these events is how closely we are watched by the Divine (even though it does jnot look like it when its happening), and how after overcoming something we are immediately rewarded in one way or another, often via some insightful experiences in dreams or astral plane.

  • I could relate a lot to this experience.

    Dealing with large heavy emotions is so challenging. It can feel physically impossible to make a difference – like trying to get a boulder off your chest or break through a wall of stone with your bare hands.

    But I have also seen how asking for help and continuing to try, despite it feeling impossible, can actually clear out those inner states eventually like you described.

    One other challenge I have seen is that when you are mired so deeply in a negative emotion, you don’t actually want to ask for help. It feels right to be negative or angry or whatever, and so it is very difficult to ask sincerely when looking at life through the filter of that awful state. It seems like we have to really want to change more than anything else in order to sacrifice those negative states for higher ones.

    I also find it interesting how some experiences we expect will be one way turn out another, and how our expectations can help shape negative reactions and potentially keep us from learning. I find your story was a good example of how to break out of that mindset and just learn from whatever is happening at the time. In this way you were able to get a valuable learning that would not have happened, perhaps, if everything had been free of challenge or conflict.

    Thanks for sharing this.

  • Great experience, Lucia!
    Thanks for sharing.
    It reminds me of Belsebuub’s words when he says there’s a descent before an ascent…

  • Very inspiring experience. It keeps standing out to me how not reacting and holding things back eventually leads to a breakthrough. It is so easy to react when feeling negative, and in the moment often seems like the only thing that can change the situation. Obviously that is not true, and it’s great to hear that you’ve had strength for days afterwords after battling the emotion.

  • I can really relate to the difficulty of facing a situation where you just want to be on your own, but through circumstances to be surrounded by others instead. I remember having a long phase in my life where I thought I just wanted solitude, but life just didn’t allow for that at all and I remember protesting against that so much on the inside, but in retrospect could see just how amazing that opportunity was to overcome something and reach for that inner peace instead 🙂

  • Thanks for sharing Lucia. The egos can really spiral out of control when the right situations arise. Without the practise of eliminating these states I guess I would have matured and found intellectual power over my emotions, in the way I can see older adults can control themselves better than children. But I would never have been able to actually find peace in the midst of this inner turmoil. It used to be that I just could not let things go, and would argue back and forth over the most trivial thing. Now I value my inner state much more than the pride of being right, or of overpowering someone!

  • I think you made a good point here Karim: “it’s unfortunate that in the place of our attire of natural love and brotherhood towards others, that we so often wear the animalistic coat that sees others as competitors threatening our own livelihood”. Very true.

  • It really is so wonderful to have knowledge of these techniques of self discovery! So that when the moment came you decided you wanted to break through that negativity that you had the means to do it! With great results.

    I especially like your “I wanted to run to them and hug everyone!” 🙂 It’s unfortunate that in the place of our attire of natural love and brotherhood towards others, that we so often wear the animalistic coat that sees others as competitors threatening our own livelihood.

  • Thanks for sharing this account Lucia. It does show how effective the seemingly simple technique of applying the elimination of the egos from moment to moment can be. I remember when I first learnt the technique, I was somewhat disappointed, as I thought “is that it?” But after practicing it for a while, I came to realise that it really does work.

    It’s wonderful that you were able to replace those negative inner states with a renewed perception of beauty, peace, and reality and to feel the love within spreading to those around you. It’s great you were able to enhance that perception and understanding through the astral experiences too.

  • That is really beautiful Lucia. How wonderful you managed to beat your inner enemies, and the gifts you got as a result 🙂

    I can relate to the emotional tension in the stomach that almost feels like physical pain, where I am often not sure if it is actually physical or emotional. Makes you wonder about all the kinds of things our lower inner states do to our health, and the strength we would have without them. The freedom and lightness from getting rid of the inner pain change everything like magic.

  • Very inspiring experience Lucia. From your story it really seems that in those moments that we think we are about to break, we are the closest to the rewards that come with overcoming lower states. I have experienced that as well. Wouldn’t it be amazing if we are able to realize this all the time and make that extra effort to get to those rewards instead of backing down when things get rocky 🙂 You might have noticed it too that there seems to be something going on inside that tries to stops us from putting in the efforts when resistance starts to build up. I’m glad you shared this, very motivating story, thanks!

    • I can relate to what you said here Roy: “in those moments that we think we are about to break, we are the closest to the rewards that come with overcoming lower states”.

    • Yes I agree Roy, there is definitely a LOT of resistance in those moments… I think there were a couple of reasons why I finally decided to apply the technique of eliminating the negative inner states at that time. One of them was that I was among other people all the time as we were camping, and there was no way of escaping and being on my own. I could close myself in the tent of course, but eventually I would have to get out and face the situations again. Another reason was that upon feeling that stomach pain, I really became concerned that it may cause some mediacal condition if continued like that… 🙂 It may sound funny, but it seems sometimes we need all these reasons to start really sincerely doing something internally, instead of just blaming others and being negative. At least it seems to be true in my case.

  • Wow, that sounds like quite a battle, Lucia! The contrast between being smothered in egos and that love and peace must have been so great to experience.

    It is unbelievable how much of a difference the state of our psyche plays in our perceptions of our surroundings, of others, and even physical pains (perhaps emotional) in our body and how freeing it is to get clear.

    Those astral experiences sound amazing, too.

  • Beautifully refined and articulated post that oozes great authenticity and humility too, great work and share, thank you, regards, Barry

  • Thank you, Lucia. This is very inspiring, to keep trying and not give up. And to find peace. Beautiful 🙂

About Belsebuub

Prior to withdrawing from public life in 2010, author Belsebuub had written several books and many articles on the topic of self-discovery. Read more

More Experience Sites

More experiences with Belsebuub's work:
- Dream Guidance
- Mystical Experiences
- Out-of-Body Experiences

Read more about this series of sites here.