The following experience is one of the longest times I experienced a heightened state of consciousness, and how after losing it on several occasions, I was able to find my way back to it.
A Walk to Remember
I was going somewhere with a group of people. Dusk was approaching, and the scenery was quite pretty. I had straggled behind to finish something and I had to catch up with another friend. We both ran together for a few minutes since we were quite behind. We laughed a bit as we jogged side by side.
Before we reached the group, I had to slow down, relax and catch my breath. As I was approaching the group from a distance, in the blink of an eye, I noticed a surge of thoughts and emotions that came from within. It was at the same time incredible and shocking to see my internal reaction. It was a combination of thoughts and feelings associated with being around other people. I probably only noticed it because the change of scene had happened so quickly and I caught the switch of my inner state from ‘’running and being late’’ to ‘’oh here’s everybody’’.
For whatever reason, I made a very quick internal decision. I was familiar with Belsebuub’s work and had already been trying to use his method of self-observation in combination with the removal of negative states that day. I felt somewhat clear. I quickly said to myself something along the lines of ‘’Nope, I am not going to think about anyone, I am going to bring all my attention inwards.’’
While I felt compelled to think about all these people, I decided to instead shift the direction of the perspective towards my own self. It was as though there was this underlying need to entertain my attention, my thoughts, my mood in the direction of ‘other people’ and what they were doing – but I shifted my attention away from them – towards the core of my self, and for some time it was as though a curtain was drawn between me and them. Now all the attention was on me, my body, my thoughts, my emotions, my existence.
As I continued walking and was getting closer to join the group, again I felt the compelling pressure to think about the group of people and I again, shook myself out of it. I again referred my attention inwardly as though cutting off the option to think about anyone else. I remember telling myself: ‘’If I wanted to think about someone, I could think about myself!’’ And so I continued walking and I eventually caught up with the group. I continued to apply a focus of self-observation, while eliminating any compulsive thoughts or feelings that would be coming up.
A New Inner Change Unfolding
As I was walking, I was feeling a change within me. I started feeling as though I was in control of my thoughts, emotions and actions. I felt a very relieving separation from any underlying pressure my inner states were trying to drive me towards. I was feeling a sense of freedom and ease walking side by side the others.
Within me, I felt like my consciousness was intensifying and I felt a lightness inside.
At a certain point the group stopped to take a break and chat. As I approached, things seemed relatively normal, until I noticed one significant difference.
A Different Way of Hearing
As I came close, I was able to hear someone talking more distinctly. But the sound had a completely new effect on me as though it was a source of beauty that I was ingesting into the core of my being. It was as though the very sound of the person’s voice was bringing about feelings of love and joy that came into me like waves of vibration searching for a place to land within my chest.
In this instance I was feeling an increasing joy to hear them speak, even though they weren’t necessarily speaking about joyful things. It was as though the mere expression of their voice and perhaps the subtle perception I caught of their personal journey caused me to feel happy.
A few more people talked, and it was a bit overwhelming, but I didn’t want to lose the experience and the consciousness that was bringing me to such a wonderful state of joy.
Instead I just tried to concentrate on my body, on the moment and not let my mind wander or get distracted. I remember feeling a gentle excitement in my heart, but I tried to stay relaxed and hold onto a level of awareness the joyful feelings were bringing me towards.
We resumed walking. I was now very curious to explore this new state of heightened consciousness while walking with the group. I usually am able to experience fragments of peace and calm while walking in the outdoors, but I have found that sometimes when I am with others there are added challenges which arise spontaneously or as a result of inner chatter or underlying moods. But this time, I was just happy and felt free.
My initial goal to not think about others was staying with me, and I was holding onto the feelings of the consciousness as though it was something I kept caressing and nurturing. I felt the intrusion of egos at times, but it was a pleasure to get rid of them using the same elimination technique I learned from Belsebuub I had been using that day.
A Heightened Perception of Consciousness in Nature
It was amazing in so many ways to be filled with joy while being with others, but these new feelings didn’t end there. I felt my heightened state continue to expand as I looked around me and perceived some of the scenery that seemed very nice before, but now it was so much more.
I began to feel like I was somewhere else entirely. I was seeing the leaves on trees and the abundance of tall grass with a completely new perception. It was as though behind my eyes I had a new operating mechanism. It did not seem like what I was seeing was different, and yet it was.
Perhaps it was because I hadn’t seen something so beautiful before. The scenery seemed almost other-worldly, as though I was on a completely new plane of existence where beauty was heightened a thousand times. Where everything seemed as though it vibrated with life and blissful harmony. And like this, just as the sounds of people’s voices previously caused upliftment, so did the scenery and the loving qualities of nature and the gentle play of wind and light.
The feelings I felt are reminiscent of Steve’s experience of awareness, feeling alive and perceiving the stillness of time.
Paradise Lost and Regained
After some time, I became a bit overwhelmed and my mind started commenting in disbelief at what I was experiencing, and the feelings would fade. But I tried to not let this bother me and remained calm, I remembered the feelings and again searched for the state of awareness while asking my divine mother to remove any lower states. And the joyful feelings returned, and again I was surrounded by paradise, both around me and within me. Again I was feeling happy and uplifted and walked like this for some time.
A little later, the same pattern of thoughts returned, like mud thrown on a clean windshield, with the sensations of overwhelming emotions, disbelief etc.. and I would lose and succumb to a whirl of anxiety. But I tried again and I found my way back with a similar gentleness and remembrance of where I felt the awareness and peaceful qualities in my body and in the scenery.
This coming back, losing, and coming back reminded me in some way of a feeling I had when having multiple out of body experiences in the astral plane in one night. I felt like I was having multiple out of body experiences, out of my subconscious, and into the peaceful bliss of conscious experience in the physical world.
Until the end of the day, although the intensity of peace faded, a gentle feeling of awe and gratitude remained.
In retrospect, I know that day I tried to go against my egos on many occasions. I know I put effort into the awareness and not trying to get stirred up in thinking about others. I know I made priorities for myself and tried to stand by some personal goals, but I cannot ignore that there must have been some extra help from the spiritual side that gave me a taste of what it is like to explore, fight for and persist to live in higher states of consciousness. It was an inconceivable and astonishing experience.