All throughout my life, I have often wondered why communicating with some people is smooth and getting along with them seems natural, whereas with others there always seems to be some kind of tension – the feeling of having something unspoken between you, if not open conflict.
Coming across Belsebuub’s work has been a revealing journey of learning how my communication with other people is more than just words and gestures.
Communication Beyond Words and Gestures
In this video (around 7:30), Belsebuub talks about how negative feelings towards another person can be picked up and felt by them, and thus create a reaction back to us. In this way tension and arguments can be generated.
In my everyday communication with other people I have been able to confirm this many times. Sometimes I have sensed the other person’s mood or negativity influencing me, and other times, regrettably I have been the source of negativity, only to see the consequences later.
I will share one experience that helped me see the value of trying to activate my consciousness, which Belsebuub explains is the spiritual part within that is different from the usual chaos, negativity and pleasures that are referred to as ego states.
A Visit to the Car Mechanic
There was a time when I went to have the oil changed in my car. I went to a place that was recommended to me and I hadn’t been there before. I arrived and as I got out of the car I greeted the mechanic and asked if they could work on my car. He looked at me with an annoyed expression and just gestured at a spot, almost commanding me to park the car there. This surprised me.
As I was moving the car, I still felt surprised by his attitude and I could sense my response to this negativity in my own negativity. I felt heaviness in my solar plexus and my thoughts varied from ‘I want to run away‘ to ‘who is he to be talking to me like that‘, but simultaneously I knew that I didn’t want to be in this internal state.
Winner or Loser
I knew this was a game of egos, where the more negative person would be perceived as the ‘winner‘. I didn’t want to be a winner or a loser – I didn’t want to participate. Yet I felt how I was involuntarily being dragged into it through my own automatic reaction, with anger and hurt building up in my solar plexus and my mind plotting all kinds of spiteful responses.
As I turned off the engine I went outside and looked at the sky, I prayed that all this heaviness may be taken away and that I can be clear. I prayed that I may not bring this negativity out into the outside world. I also said in my mind that I don’t want to be fighting with this man. For a second I had an understanding of the heaviness of his way of being and I felt compassion for his compulsion to act like that.
After a few minutes, I was called in by the mechanic to give some information about the car and what I wanted to have changed. I tried to ground myself into the moment and be as clear as possible in my mind and emotions.
He didn’t try to hide his judgment of and dissatisfaction with some of my answers. I tried to stay ‘sealed’ internally, keep my clarity and focus on completing the procedure. Being aware of the other person’s negativity towards me didn’t make it pleasant, but it allowed me not to be drained of my own energy and to respond as best as I could. Even though it seemed like no matter what I said, it was met with the same attitude.
Then the mechanic and his workmates started working on the car. They were quite efficient and were soon finished. I went to pay and as I came back and prepared to start the engine, the same mechanic came to my window, handing me a plastic bottle and saying in a friendly way: “Here is the leftover of your oil.”
His use of the polite form of ‘you‘ in my native Bulgarian language was a change of attitude that I didn’t expect. Was this the same person?
I was grateful that my prayer had been answered instantly and I was able to stay clear enough not to allow my ego states to get into a useless fight. I was also grateful that the mechanic was able to get out of his own negativity. By the end of our interaction we were both able to say a sincere friendly goodbye.
I’ve had similar situations where even though I have tried my best, it didn’t seem to immediately affect the other person’s negative state. So I think I can’t always expect miracles, and I have come to experience that it’s also up to the other person whether they will discard their negative state or not.
As difficult as it was for me most of the time, I was grateful for this experience, because it showed me that when I make the effort to change inside it saves me from the poison of the egos and can have the potential to help other people as well, or at least spare them from my own negativity.
* Featured image is a public domain photo found here. (image has been modified)