pavlin

Experience Submitted by Pavlin Boev

A Dream That Caught My Attention

One morning, I woke up from a dream in which I was in a situation where someone was acting slightly negatively towards me and I reacted back with stronger negativity, really aggressively. It was a short scene, but seeing myself overreacting like that drew my attention to it.

In Belsebuub’s work, I have come across the advice that when you spot a negative state in your dreams, this is the most urgent thing to look into in your daily life. The setting of that dream scene definitely seemed a bit random, but my reaction and the situation itself clearly signified a negative behavior. So I thought I will follow Belsebuub’s advice on dreams and pay attention so as to spot that pattern during my day.

Nothing in what I knew I was going to do that day even hinted at the situation from my dream. But I tried to be on guard during the day, and I did spot memories of events in my mind that were similar to the dream scenario. Still though, that day I had other more pressing thoughts and emotions to deal with.

Seeking Peace and Quiet Through a Spiritual Practice

By the end of the day, there were so many other emotions I had to cope with that I had completely forgotten about my dream. That evening I went to meditate, but found it difficult as I felt a lot of emotions, so I spent half of my meditation time in silent prayer trying to process the day and bring myself to silence.

Eventually, I did feel some peace and quiet. Then I lay down on my bed and decided to relax and go into meditation. The prayer gave me some insight and direction on what to do, so I didn’t feel the need to meditate on the situation from the day related to my current emotional state, somehow it didn’t feel necessary at the time. I could focus elsewhere, but where?

So I Meditated on My Dream

This is when I remembered about my dream. I recalled the situation in it and remembered similar situations in my life where people had been negative towards me in that particular way. Recollecting one particular event made me feel a burning feeling of anger in my solar plexus. I paused. I moved my focus to my heart and sought to regain my focus so as not to be caught up by this gripping anger. I just wanted to observe.

After remembering all the events that I could, seeing what happened and how I felt, there came a moment where my mind got stuck. I couldn’t recall anything else. So, I allowed my mind to stay silent and yet in a way connected to everything I had just retrospected on.

After a few moments of silence, I felt a stream of memories being unlocked, where I was the one being negative towards other people, beginning in childhood and going through my student years.

After that, I saw occasions where I was naturally trying to balance that out by standing up for people who were treated badly by others. These events were very few compared to the ones where I was the instigator of negativity.

Then I saw occasions where I judged other people and it felt like my judgment was ‘raining down’ on them, it was so much! I saw many examples from my current daily life. I understood that judgment and prejudice to be at the core of the initial situation I was shown in my dream. And it was actually present in my daily life.

I prayed for the elimination of this negative behavior. I felt very grateful to have been shown that small situation in my dream as it opened up a whole new perspective!