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Overcoming Worries and Finding Inner Peace

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Experience submitted by Geraldine Price

I had been attending a spiritual retreat where the focus was on gaining inner peace based on Belsebuub’s works. The settings were perfect for it, a beautiful forest at our doorsteps, daily lovely walks in nature, and plenty of opportunities for meditation practices.

I was using this time to hone my self-remembrance skills about being aware and be in self-observation during the day, and to apply the elimination of egos as explained by Belsebuub.

As I did that, after a few days, I recognized and could see within myself a common string of thoughts and recurring patterns in them – mainly about “worries” covering so many aspects of my life: worry to do things wrong, worry to being late and so on.

This worry had a sinking feeling to it, one that was quite unpleasant, heavy and really not a nice way to be or live-in. Not only that, as I also did some retrospective meditation, I could see how it had plagued me and followed me in so many things I’ve done in my life. It felt like it gave a certain flavor to my actions, my thoughts and even to my movements.

Observing a Worry

One day, as I was getting ready to help out with some light kitchen work, another retreat attendee needed someone to talk to. As we got to talk, time started to pass by and as it did, I started to feel my ‘usual worries’ coming to the surface: worry of being late, worrying of letting others down and so on..

A feeling of rush came pouring in – my worry had taken over. I could feel the change within me had taken place. I was no longer giving my full attention to my friend, thoughts of worry instead took over my mind. And as time continued to pass, I had to let my friend know that we’d need to continue the conversation later on but did so in a quite brusque manner unfortunately. My worries had become too important, and the result was lack of care for the situation at hand.

I then rushed out toward the kitchen to arrive later than I had planned and saw others actively yet calmly getting things ready for the midday meal.

I could sense that my inner states felt at odd with the rest of the people present, whether or not others could feel it I was not sure, but I surely could. People were talking, moving about, laughing and enjoying themselves. Yet internally, I felt like the energy I was bringing in was a disturbance in the room.

At the time, all I was able to do was to observe what was going within me, to feel the sinking feeling in my stomach area, even down to my rushing and brusque body movements. Then I started to observe my thoughts.

It was all worry-based – feeling that I was failing at helping out, then that I was bringing this heavy emotion in the room.

As I was washing up the dishes, my thoughts started to shift to put the blame on my friend for I thought that they had delayed me and of course it ‘had to be’ their fault. Then thoughts started to go instead toward the other people in the room. And of course, ‘they’ must be thinking I was trying to avoid my kitchen work.

What I was observing was like seeing an image of me that was sending all these negative thoughts toward myself and toward others, arguing with imaginary people in my mind, bringing up excuses, blaming others for how I was feeling, creating scenarios in my mind of confrontations, of explaining myself why I was late and so forth.

Truly, it was ugly, really ugly to hear and have these thoughts, not only that it was also draining and horrible. But these thoughts were having the time of their lives, churning away and bringing me lower with them.

Defeating a Worry

Somehow, as I observed them go through my mind, something within me felt that it did not have to be this way, but while I was observing it all, I realized that I was still not doing anything about it. That’s when I started to remember why I was here for, self-knowledge and remembered the technique of elimination of the egos which I had just recently learned, so I started to ask for help and to eliminate all of these negative things that I was seeing and feeling.

As I did that, a certain detachment from the thoughts started to come through – I could see that it was like they had a life of their own and that they were at odds with my consciousness who was observing it happening.

I no longer wanted to let it continue to pour this negativity and send it toward others, polluting the energies of the room, polluting my own energies and draining me.

I asked and prayed over and over to my Divine Mother for the elimination of the egos (from thoughts to emotions) as I saw them, then I’d focus on my senses, trying to really be there, feeling the soap, the sponge, the plates, the water, all the while keeping on observing myself inwardly as well.

The heavy emotions and thoughts would still come up, so I would ask for their elimination and go back again to my senses, while focusing on my surroundings and what I was actually doing — seeing the rainbows in the soapy suds, feeling the sponge under my fingers, hearing people talking, feeling myself standing against the bench, smelling the various aromas that were coming from the food being laid out.

Finding Inner Peace

I repeated this over and over, and each time, I felt a bit lighter, freer, happier. Then all of a sudden, all those negative things were gone. I was clear – I no longer felt this heavy emotion in my stomach, I no longer had these heavy thoughts.

It was like I was completely free of all that negativity. I was there in the room standing, washing dishes, yet everything had a distinct clearness and clarity to it that I had never in my life before experienced. It felt like I could perceive everything, both within and outside of me.

It was not like I was in a state of overjoy, nor was it dull – it just felt as real as everything could be – there was a sense of detachment yet at the same time a feeling of wholeness, it was me and everything, but still me, and it was like this calming sensation within me. I was in peace, and a peace like I never ever had felt beforehand.

 

It did not feel like everything was amazing, but more like everything was – this peace did not make feel things better or worse, it was more like I felt a strength and objectivity toward what was around me and within me that felt unshakable – it was like I was in this cocoon of inner silence, of inner peace, of inner love.

And it was a wonderful state to be in! It was really an amazing state to be in, so different to everything I was so used to be in and had lived my life for as long as I could remember..

It was like there was no ‘after-taste’ to anything – I was no longer labeling things in my mind, I was no longer trying to explain, justify or give reasons or objections to my thoughts. All of that was gone. I was just left with a connection to my consciousness that felt whole and direct.

The closest I could describe it, was like the state I’ve experienced in some of my astral experiences, when complete clarity takes place, yet here I was in the physical, being able to experience this connection to my consciousness, to just be, existing.

This experience did not last long, yet it also felt timeless – it was like truly the moment had an eternal quality to it, like how it feels to be in the astral, where time is no more, yet activities exist, feelings exists, thoughts exists, and I exist.

As I started to analyse what was happening mentally, I also started to feel within me like an echo of thoughts and feelings. It was like as if it was coming from far away, yet it was rushing toward me like an unstoppable river – I could tell they were my egos coming back, getting access back to my mind, to my feelings, to my emotions – it was strangely feeling like being taken over, and it was really ‘captivating’ (for lack of a better word) in a way to feel and observe that process happening.

I did not want the ugliness of the egos, the sounds of so many voices, the energies that came with them coming back to me but it felt like I had no choice. A part within me though could feel that there was this possibility one day to be free of them and perhaps it felt like I had been given a taste of it, of what may be possible, but in that moment, I knew all I could do was seeing it happen.

An Insight Gained

This experience really showed me how I I could live and experience life without the egos, and how they tend to put on various ‘lenses’ in front of my eyes, especially of that worry – how they can label things and see the world as they see fit, and as a result be incredibly draining.

It was an incredible help to receive such pure inner peace. It gave me the understanding that consciousness is so much better to live life through, that inner peace really is worth striving for, and how it can be achieved in every day and the menial tasks that I do, not just in a sit-down practice or an astral experience.

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22 comments
  • What an incredible experience. I can very much relate to what you say and am inspired by your breakthrough.

    I noticed something similar to what you describe ver recently. I was doing a practice and had my eyes closed when a person came. As they came in I noticed that I had a flow of various worries similar to what you describe – what they think of me, what I should be doing, and I behind schedule, and so on. The worries started leading towards negativity and created a poor image of my friend.

    At the same time I knew that just moments before these issues did not exist between us. I realized that it was completely in my mind. I started to observe it and began to ask for help. The situation ended soon after (it lasted less than five minutes) and sure enough there was nothing of what my mind brought up between me and my friend.

    Although I did not get any extraordinary experience I saw how the egos clouded the situation with only inner triggers. I had strength to face them because I knew that moments ago these issues did not exist between my friend and I. I hope to one day reach a new strength to face these egos that is based on my own inner standard, and not dependent on any external situation.

  • Hi Geraldine,

    I’m quite happy you wrote this because I can relate, I could see myself in your situation, behaving, feeling and thinking just like that. Worry, anxiety, fear, tainting much of my life, living in this heavy sinking feeling like you accurately put it. It was so nice to read your experience because it helps me to realise and remember I don’t have to live like that, I have the choice to go against that, it is really a bit miraculous.

    These feelings and thoughts can be compulsive and overwhelming, and their grip very strong, and it’s like I either go down with them or get rid of every little seed of such thoughts and feelings as they manifest, otherwise they gain ground again. They are like these little hooks nudging me and wanting me to go with them to the dark places, but if I start to believe what they are saying, they already gain ground and my resolve to eliminate them is weaker. But I don’t want to believe them and allow them to put this dark spin on the things happening in my life, because that takes away my power to change things, makes me confused and miserable.

    ‘this peace did not make things feel better or worse, it was more like I felt a strength and objectivity toward what was around me and within me that felt unshakable – it was like I was in this cocoon of inner silence, of inner peace, of inner love.’

    I love the way you described that and it inspires me to reach toward it in my life.

    Thank you very much for sharing!

  • Thanks for sharing your experience of overcoming that negative inner state Geraldine. It’s really good that you managed to transform it by using the technique to eliminate the underlying egos which caused it. As you described, these small worries can end up distorting our perception so much, when we allow them to grow.

    I can also relate to the worries related to social expectations, which you mentioned, whether they are just due to our own wrong perception, as in the example you gave, or actual social pressures. However, regardless of whether the source of this pressure comes from within us or outside of us, the same solution of applying the technique to remove the resulting worries applies in both cases. The feeling of agitation inside can really create disharmony within us, as you mentioned, so It’s definitely an area to be mindful of.

  • Hi, Geraldine, it was really inspiring to read your experience. You’ve described that feeling of being detached from the mind and emotions in such a strong way that it woke up my perception and detachment from the internal chatter of the mind.

    Thanks a lot!

  • This is a great description of the internal dialogue that the egos create and then trap us in … and also how awareness and the elimination method can unravel these painful traps and even take us to peaceful inner states. Thank you Geraldine – it makes me long to become more internally focused and balanced.

    • Hi Ella – thanks I’m glad it may be of some help – I think we all know too well how these egos churn those wheels in our mind and before we know it, we’re trapped in this cycle where non-sense resides and imaginary problems, second-guessing blind us to what is really there..

      Belsebuub writes about how “Love is in seeing reality” and how true isn’t it? I could no longer see reality but was into my own little world created by this worry.. Care and love were definitely and sadly not part of the imaginary conversations that were happening in my mind..

      It’s amazing how one little thing (worry of being late) could bring about so much negativity and darkness within me. From a virtue (being on time/punctual) to darkness – not much stood in the way really.

  • Thank you, Geraldine. You write this so beautifully. I could sense what it would be like to be free of those egos, and then to see them coming back like that, unable to keep them away. It made me feel how trapped we truly are, without fully knowing it, because we’re so used to these things inside of us.

  • Thanks for sharing such an inspiring and insightful look into the state of worry Geraldine. Those perceptions you gained were incredible and to be free of it instead of drained by it must have been great experience to go through.

    I really was inspired by your determination and about point change of doing something about it, its something I have to try to remember that its possible to do something about those negative inner states at the exact point that I become aware of them, even if they have gained some ground.

    • Hi Layla, you know that point of self-remembrance, it is something that I feel every day I need to start all over again with – having that focus and that self-remembrance really does bring a different attitude. And yes you’re right, catching those egos even when they have gain some ground is difficult but possible – like in that kitchen on that day, boy it was ugly within me – but I’m so thankful I got to see that ugliness too, because I could have been blind the whole time, and kept going along with it but the good thing, is that there is a way out of it.

      This article by Belsebuub is really good as it delves into it:
      https://belsebuub.com/articles/remembering-to-be-aware-of-yourself
      I like how he talks about life being a school and how this understanding really helps to put things into perspective and help to remember about awareness, and the bigger picture in life.

  • What a battle you were faced with, coming across those worries. Funny how even egos that seem to have ours and others’ best interests at heart, such as being punctual, can have such a dark side.

    The scenario you describe sounds so normal, and as I read it, I felt like “that could be me”, and given similar situations and prompts, I can see how I would have reacted in much the same way. It was very helpful to read further into your observations of the situation: the thoughts you were experiencing and the negativity you felt within yourself being at odds with the people you were working with in the kitchen. I know I’ve felt that way before, too, feeling how low and inappropriate my energies are at a given situation.

    I’m glad you persisted, Geraldine, and had such a deep experience of consciousness and peace through all your efforts. Very inspiring account!

    • Thanks Mike – yes, these everyday scenarios are so common though – it’s like how easily things can go down that road of churning and repeating over and over the same thought process but with different events, people and such. Looking at it, it just is so boring, repetitive and so draining..! Where is the love, where is the care or compassion, where is the joy when this is what rules inside, you know?
      I feel that when I don’t catch myself early enough in that process, that’s when it brings me down. Thankfully, every day is a new day to stop these repetitions and to be able to face that which lies within that blocks that inner peace, that love and that connection to our being. It was a really amazing experience, that stillness inside that I felt that day, so I’m glad I persisted as well.

  • Hi Geraldine,
    what you describe in your experience rings so true!! I can relate to your story, of how thoughts and feelings of worry can preoccupy/dominate me, of how they can taint our view of reality, how they can seem so real and justified, etc. Yet, they take away from our ability to be conscious, to simply BE… I too have noticed there are themes and patterns to the thoughts, the emotional swirls, the physical tightness and tension. It all becomes like a melting pot that you have to find your way through. I am so thankful and grateful for knowing about the elimination, to help get through such ego moments. It can be a struggle but it is worth doing, getting that clarity and objectivity from those tormenting inner ego states.

    My husband and I were only talking about the ‘egos’ of worry yesterday. We were sharing our insights about what we have each noticed with our own ‘worry’ egos. Because of Belsebuub’s work we have come to understand our life in a different light, one which aims to liberate ourselves from the effects these ego states can have on us.

    • Hi Dimi,
      Yes, I know exactly what you mean, and I’m too very thankful to know about the elimination of egos. And I’ve found the same as well, that at least now that I have those tools, I see life in a different light and it’s a lot more fulfilling.

  • It’s a nice and strong experience, Geraldine.
    It’s also a blessing to have such deep experience. It gives strength and deep belief in that internal work.

  • Wow Geraldine, that was so uplifting to read. I feel so calm and inspired after reading your experience. I especially like how you described the no ‘after taste’. This is true detachment… Very insightful.

    Very beautiful and motivating, thank you for sharing.

    • Hi Olga,
      Yes, that was the thing that I really remembered now after all these years 🙂 It was like looking at the world but without labels in a sense – I did not know what to make of that, as it felt so different to everything I had ever felt. It also made me realize how the mind really categorizes things in a sense which is fine as that is how life is understood, but how really the egos put a flavor onto them.

  • Hey Geraldine, I really like how you described the indescribable. 🙂 What it is to perceive and be alive and how there’s great enjoyment within of seeing the realness of the world, whereas normally we’re swamped by our many emotions and thoughts that blind us to it.

    I know how ‘nasty’ that feeling of worry can feel, and it can grow even more poissonness when fed. It seems like such a turn around that you were able to get out of it completely, a really good example. It also seems such environments where people are trying to put these teachings in practice is very good to gain such experiences.

    I could imagine what it was like to in that scenario because of your detailed description. Thanks for sharing.

    • Hi Karim,
      I think that experience was definitely a little big gift, but what also stayed with me, was that the activity I was doing was so unbelievably mundane, and perhaps that was a BIG hint too – as it made me see how really the spiritual is in life, in every day activities. And that it can be done anywhere, anytime in any scenarios – like I don’t need to wait for the perfect time and place to ‘be spiritual’. At least, that’s what I gathered from just ‘washing dishes’.
      But yes, worries are terribly ensnaring, paralyzing, and not an easy thing to overcome – I know I was helped definitely, and that’s another thing too, it made me realize as well how much help from the divine is needed that I can’t do this alone.

      • I know what you mean about the spiritual being able to be found right in the moment. And yet it’s so easy to forget when our ‘program of nature’ is running.

  • What a wonderful experience, thank you Geraldine for describing everything in such a detail! It must have been quite a relief to reach that inner clarity and stillness, perceiving everything around you and inside of you, sealed from the agitation of the egos. I had to laugh when reading about the “river of the egos” coming back and you calling it “captivating”, even though I know what you mean! 🙂 It is really unbelievable how burried our consciousness is inside of all these drives that eat up so much of our energy.

    Personally, I find worries of all kinds also very difficult to battle. Right now, I am in a situation to start something new, and feel a lot of resistance and anxiety surrounding it. Like you, I also feel a lot of responsibility, wanting things to be perfect and accomplished correctly, so everything that threatens this picture makes me feel very uneasy. Thinking how often I have experienced this in my life though, I feel like maybe its time to “take things more easy” this time and remember to apply the elimination technique more often.

    Thank you for sharing again!

    • Hi Lucia,
      I know ‘captivating’ was as best as I could describe it, but also very true – being a captor to these egos. But it was really unbelievable to feel them coming back and how strange too. The realization really that these egos ultimately are not me, yet they belong to me.. But yes, the path to freedom is possible, thanks to the elimination technique – just need to remember like Steve talked about in his experience (https://selfdiscoverylife.com/2017/02/02/overcoming-a-deceptive-ego/) to simply start where I’m at, and go from there.

About Belsebuub

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Mark Pritchard (Belsebuub) is an author and spiritual teacher that has been writing about and demonstrating practical techniques for self-discovery for more than twenty-five years. Read more

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