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Overcoming the Trap of Comparison

Experience submitted by Steve F
Experience submitted by Steve F

I recently shared this experience of self-observation, awareness and the elimination of the egos that occurred and that I was was lucky enough to have at a spiritual retreat — it left an impression that stayed with me for a very long time. Below is a related experience — a continuation, if you will, of my learning from that incident.

That particular experience left me with such an impression and a very good feeling, but also with the strong want to recreate it so I could experience it again.

I didn’t realize back then that I can’t create anything really; all I can do is try to do the best I can with the practices that I knew, and hopefully as Belsebuub says in one of his article, put the ingredients together correctly so I could “bake the cake” and hopefully it would rise.

Well, in the case of the awareness, self-observation, and elimination of the egos technique I made the mistake of trying to recreate the experience exactly as it happened that one particular time.

And so, when I would try to be aware in my awareness attempts, I would only go off ‘what I thought’ could make that experience reappear again, and I would only be doing ‘what I thought‘ could make the experience of seeing the egos so clearly and eliminate it so easily.

I know that sounds funny, but what started to happen was that I subconsciously started to compare just about every practice of self-observation and awareness I attempted to do to that one ‘special practice’ I had at the spiritual retreat.

Photo via Pexels.
Photo via Pexels at Pexels.com/photo/field-agriculture-lawn-meadow-7500/.

It became a trap as unwittingly as I tried the self-observation practice, I was internally seeing if what I was doing was shaping up to that one gift of gold, and somehow, I never could manage to get back to the same level of awareness.

I tried to recreate the practice exactly like I thought I had done it that day, but I started to try too hard, then I started to doubt myself.

Over time I was starting to get nowhere as my approach to awareness became stuck in the mind due to this ego, which in the back of my mind was comparing my practices with each other.

This lead to the practices becoming more mental and more mechanical.

So much so that one time, my wife and I went for a walk and as I set off, I was pretty determined to crack the awareness that day and so I tried my best to be aware, and as we walked along my wife started to laugh at me! She giggled and with a smile she said: “Steve! What are you doing? You look like a robot! Just be natural, the awareness isn’t like that.

I was a bit confused! ‘I needed to try to be aware’ I thought, and I responded to her “I’m trying to be aware..

I wasn’t fully conscious that whilst trying to be aware I was comparing my attempts to that practice at the retreat and this went on for a long time, years to be truthful. It’s not that I didn’t have a little breakthrough here and there, but mostly I was mentally, just mentally, comparing most of my awareness attempts to what had happened at the retreat, which never allowed me to experience the moment as it was.

It was a very tricky ego of the mind which was not really all that obvious, but luckily I finally got some much needed help to see what was going on, and help to understand that there was a problem with the way I was approaching the awareness which has helped a lot.

Now I just try to start from where I’m at and try to trust that what I’m experiencing right now is an experience and that although it may not be as special as that amazing experience I had at the retreat, it is where I’m at now and it will start from there.

It’s interesting because mentally I thought that to use the elimination of the ego technique properly I had to “see” the ego just like I did in that experience back at the retreat, but it’s really not like that and it shows the mind trying to dictate what is an experience and what isn’t a real experience and in doing so deceiving me as the egos don’t want to be removed.

But luckily I’ve seen that the inner work isn’t like the way I thought it was and can be done starting from where I’m at, without having to think that I need to be at some super level of consciousness which I’m simply not at, or achieve a certain level of awareness to be able to do it! Ouch! The mind is rife with those deceptive egos, I saw how I could build up a mental image of what I think I need to do to get the work going but that mental image may not be a correct one.

  • Hi Steve,

    Nice to read about the time after that wonderful experience in the forest. Others have also commented on this but I feel that it’s such a valid point, which is, that seeing the trap can be a real shocker and sharing the experience of what you went through takes some courage too. It hard to see ourselves as we really are especially if we believe that we were on the “right track” so to speak.

    A few years ago, something similar happened to me when someone pointed out a certain behavior, which of I thought was the right way to be. It was very confronting and I was confused for quite a while. That belief was related the image I had of how a spiritual person should behave, being an example and not make mistakes. It sounds silly and obvious reading this now, but these things can be very subtle. This then was limiting me a lot but without me properly realizing it. Things like that can go on for a long time like you say and when that belief is pulled away from underneath your feet, you are kind of feeling suspended as the support for it is removed. I could almost feel how you must have felt when your wife pointed your mistake out. These times are really an opportunity to take a good look at ourselves and make changes for the better and we should see it as a blessing as we can work on that defect from here on.

    • Hi Roy,

      thanks for the reply, I hope the the article inspires people is some way because it doesn’t take much to stop the internal work due to these hidden beliefs that are held within, which Belsebuub writes about and describes as an obstacle! I think that we all have certain beliefs that are carried within the mind and for some reason we don’t see them but others can, so if we can manage to listen to people when they mention things to us about something they see within us it can help us.

      • You are right Steve. It’s much better to see ourselves as we are then to live within an idea of what we think we are. It does make me wonder how we can see these beliefs in time, even before others give us a helping hand if they do.

        With a bit of searching and going over the points, Belsebuub writes on hidden beliefs and fanaticism. A few things stand out for me which I think will help me.
        – Belsebuub mentions the importance of self-knowledge and how this helps us to root out beliefs.
        – And this is a quote from the hidden beliefs paragraph.
        “Belief is a tricky thing. It is different from faith, which may be surprising, but it is important to root out beliefs, and to question with practice, and to verify with experience if you want to achieve true knowledge”

        Again, maybe obvious as you read it but in practice, it’s harder to apply and that is to aim for this self-knowledge that comes from doing the practices and to even then question if we are doing the right thing instead of standing on that limited experience we have.

        Thanks again for this post, It has led me to reflect more on this important topic.

        • Hi Roy,

          I Know what you mean when you say pointing out the obvious! Because it’s strikes me that, you know, we read the books and it seems clear about the inner work and hidden beliefs etc, it even seems very straight forward but that obviousness is what is so interesting. If it’s so “obvious” what’s blocking that straight forward obviousness from translating into moving forward and succeeding with the inner work? We could state the obvious and say well we need to be more aware and do more practices! But what are we being aware of? If it’s a hidden belief that is laying just “under the radar” so to speak then how would you see it? Its very clear to me that hidden thoughts are not so obvious and it was only through help that I caught onto deep seated hidden beliefs. I feel deep reflection is one place to start and trying out Belsebuubs suggestions of watching dreams, analysis of the ego and other inner practices of removing egos is crucial because once we can catch the thread of the ego of the way it acts and behave within from our dreams and reflecting on our day then we can start to follow it and learn about it in the daily school that our divine parents provide for us through our life and them guiding information through dreams. Talking about it also helps as it can really help us to see things in a new light but some how we need to catch the flavour of the ego and just start from where we are at and try to understand what the being shows us in dreams, once again seems simple and obvious but then I feel that’s were a lot of effort and real true understanding comes in. We’ve all got the potential, we just need to realize we have the potential.
          You know one thing that helps me to be more aware and on the look out for egos and that’s when I truly understand that the ego is really bad for me and bad to others, that understanding helps me to try to be aware and do the practices to get rid of the ego I’m dealing with, I think understanding is an inspiration in it’s self, a powerful tool that can give much strength to take on an ego. Unfortunately some pain is needed to learn about the ego but that then seems to help with the understanding of the ego to which makes you sort of be at wits end and say enough is enough and just go for it.
          That’s my take on it so far what do you reckon Roy? what motivates you to just end with an ego and start working on it.

          • Hi Steve,

            Your comment definitely prompted me to reflect on what you wrote and the question at the end.

            Quite recently I was confronted with the outcome of certain actions/inaction. It came pretty unexpectedly and I was under the impression I was doing the right thing at the time. So when I was shown my mistakes, it really came as a surprise. Even after a day, I could still feel the effects of it in my emotional center as the feelings were very persistent. On the good side, though, as I felt the result of my actions, it really brought home the effects of the egos that were at play at the time. Even though I did not see them consciously, I should have put more efforts into reflecting on the day and on my dreams. That way I might have been able to see it, change it, and prevent it from happening. So, in a way, the pain and all the related inner states brought home the drive to not let this happen again. Sometimes it’s the pain and the effects of the egos that I feel I need to become resolute.

            Thanks for your input too. It feels like what Belsebuub writes about inner states and the need and importance to see them was highlighted these last two weeks. Also, this discussion helped me to understand things better and how valuable life really is for learning.

  • Hi Steve,

    Thank you very much for this article. It really strikes a chord with me as I spent years in a deceived state where I didn’t want to move on with my life – didn’t take steps that would’ve given me more opportunities for spiritual activities, didn’t dedicate myself to a loving relationship, all that because I first wanted to be ‘better’, in that state that I had been once in the past.

    However, that comparison and the desire to ‘control’, to overcome A and B before I do X and Y was keeping me stuck and going down. I lost so much time in it that it’s almost hard to believe.

    It’s not easy for me to see through these hidden beliefs, but I see how important it is to evaluate our situation, where are we, and work with what we have to our best ability unrestricted by ideas. Thank you, Steve.

    • It’s amazing to me that when you see something so big and of such importance that has been giving your life and your inner work the wrong direction, this huge realisation that changes everything, and then just put it in a few simple sentences like you did, it doesn’t seem like much but you can just sense the compressed magnitude in those few words. I want to be able to evaluate my life and the spiritual work in such a way as to allow me to see those hidden destructive beliefs and the self-deceit. Because you could be trying to reflect and evaluate and continue on in all that. Seems like there is a mechanical way to do everything, or a sincere, open way. Thank you for sharing.

    • Hi Pavlin,
      Belsebuub talks about hidden beliefs in his books and he says that they lock a person into a set of “principles or ideas” I feel from what you’ve written in your reply and the experience that myself and others have had here highlight what he has written about, although we may have had different thought’s or ideas that trapped us the end result is very similar, with the ideal that the ego presents is very limited or contains us in some way that limits or stops a true spiritual exploration or progress that at first we somehow simply didn’t see.

      I find it inspiring in a way that after all this time and finally seeing the obstacle that this ego presented to me that I look over Belsebuubs books and find a chapter in a book that explains to me what is happening with the situation and think and ponder, that’s what he means and I can now understand at a deeper level what he has written.

  • Thanks for sharing Steve, the points you have shared are so important. It is so easy for the egos to use the mind and deceive us! I can relate to making those vein efforts to be in awareness. As your wife mentioned, like a robot!
    One thing i have learnt from Belsebuubs teachings and found from my own experience, is when doing an awareness walk or any practise whatsoever. A relaxed body and relatively serene mind is essential for any true awareness. Sometimes i will observe to see any tension in the body or the mind, and if i find it. There is usually a defect present..

    • Hi Chris,

      I think i was trying to hard on that day! but yeah just relaxing into what the moment is and like you mention then the defects seem more obvious from there.

  • Thanks for sharing that experience Steve. It’s amazing how the mind can hijack something that’s so simple. I think the attitude of comparison can create lots of complications, which can manifest in many ways, such as assessing every new experience against one that stood out as being “the best”, wishing that external circumstances or events were different, or comparing our own lives to others around us.

    I can also think of a number of occasions where an awareness walk has been clouded by comparing it to a previous occasion, which I perceived as being much better. Even a simple thought like “I wish it wasn’t raining” can then develop into a nagging dissatisfaction, which carries the mind away onto a tangent, rather than simply appreciating the moment as it is.

    • Hi Michael,

      No problem! The thing I found that so surprising was how subtle the ego was, there wasn’t the normal voices and chatter of other egos that was obvious “compared” to other types of egos, it was silent and just sort of more of a mind set more than chatter and distraction as can you believe it the ego was trying to be concentrated!
      It doesn’t take much for the ego’s to go off on tangents does it, man it’s so delicate I think too; the awareness in someways! especially like you mention it doesn’t take much to loose the awareness even with simple little thoughts. I know that sounds obvious but how delicate is that!

  • Steve,
    I definitely remember trying to do this type of ‘re-create’ a practice, from a previous experience, when I was starting out with the work. And I remember my frustration at how it could never quite live up to my (ego’s) expectations. It’s so much nicer to just relax into awareness, and perceive clearly rather than try to force a mental set of pre-requisites which lead to thinking about awareness.

    I’m glad we’ve moved past those blocks and hope to continue breaking through new ones. Thanks for sharing your experience.

    • Hi Andrew,
      I know what you mean there! I think Belsebuub puts it nicely when he mentions that its’ like peeling layers off an onion where you get passed one ego and then you automatically face the next one.

  • Thank you so much for sharing that Steve. It was uplifting, you know, to read how someone was getting stuck at similar things like me, and then was able to transcend them – it makes me feel it can be possible for me too 🙂

    Like you, I was struggling with similar mental traps, and they still influence me when I forget about them – having an idea of what the awareness and self-observation should be like, but never seeming to get there, and never putting the consistent, as continuous as possible effort in, because when I tried for a bit, nothing seemed to be happening, so I thought I couldn’t do it, and stopped. Like you said, missing the actual present moment and the learning in it completely.

    I think I may have had that idea also based on some spiritual inner help I had got at certain times, when it made me feel like I was be able to be aware, but then when I tried on my own, it seemed I wasn’t able. So I started thinking about how much I’m falling behind of where I think I should be with this, and all that, and that created lots of tension and worry about the inner work. It was all the making of my own mind though. I was stuck in this cycle for who knows how long.

    ’Luckily I’ve seen that the inner work isn’t like the way I thought it was and can be done starting from where I’m at, without having to think that I need to be at some super level of consciousness which I’m simply not at, or achieve a certain level of awareness to be able to do it!’

    I just love the way you wrote that. You put to words the truth that I wish I had realised a long time ago – that the worry of where I should be internally, was stopping me from getting there, or even from starting. Like you said, the inner work can only be done starting where we are. Then with those efforts comes the cumulative effect of moving us forward, and things like awareness becoming more possible. Rather than starting where we are and being able to do everything efficiently right away.

    • Hi Laura,
      I’m really glad that the artical help you as from what you described the experiences are quite similar, when we get helped to have an experience it’s really amazing and so inspiring to see a different perception of reality but unfortunatley we have a great welcoming home party from the egos once the experience is finished! ……ahhhh!

  • Hey Karim,
    I see what you mean about trying to achieve a goal through the mind and then losing the present moment because of the force of the mind, it seems to happen all too often I feel and that’s what I mean about how tricky the mind is.

    That’s a really good understand you’ve described in the last point there, as thats what I’m understanding too and trying to get at because efforts can be made to be conscious but if there is something driving the effort then it doesn’t lead to that depth of awareness that is possible and when this happens I notice for me that the inner death doesn’t’ truly get going either and like you say the consciousness seems to be in a bubble that traps it and we aren’t fully aware of that bubble except for a certain overall feeling of the “the bubble” so to speak. When looking back that bubble seems to have a certain flavor to it which shows up. These egos seem to be deeper in the mind than the obvious thoughts that can be seen and seem to have a certain drive to them that really affect us.
    It’s sort of showing us how deep these egos are I think and shows how much understanding Belsebuub has in his writings and works as he has written about all of this.

  • Thanks for sharing such a great experience Steve, yes it was funny to look back at those days and we do have a laugh about it here an there, but you’re probably not alone.

    Ideas and beliefs set a lot of should’s and shouldn’ts which can lead to a fanatical approach as I’ve seen in myself. I’m beginning to see how my ability to do these practices has been set upon existing beliefs that I didn’t realise I had and for most part I’m still trying to break from. Your experience has helped me to look into these ‘hidden’ beliefs to try and uncover them, and to experience the spiritual practices afresh and be open to the new. I really liked the freshness of your down to earth approach and just starting from where we’re at and that honesty I feel goes a long way to actually starting something real.
    Thanks Steve!

  • Hi, Steve.The points you raised seem very important to keep in mind.
    I get caught up in my mind about a practice itself a lot, like my mind commenting on the practice, which takes me away from it and then things are going into a circle, trying the practice, commenting, trying to get back on the track and then all over again.. But then because of this persistent trying the divine seems to be rewarding me just for trying over and over again. It seems as though something similar happend to you as you kept on trying and because of that you were given an understanding that changed everything. Now you write about your expereince here, that helps us all to understand our own appraoch to the wotk which in itself serves another great purpose.

    • Hey Tina,
      I feel the same way with practices too, the mind seems to be such a tricky thing that it’s always trying to get involved with the practices and then because of the mind, the mind limits the experience of the practice anyway! What you describe when trying practices sounds like the law of the octave with the description of things going around in a circle, apparently when trying a practice and putting in efforts to get the practice going there will be a point where resistance to the practice will appear and when the resistance appears is when more effort is needed to get the practice going in the next higher octave. I think this law describes a lot in that things, say a practice don’t stay at the same point they need to keep moving for them to fully develop, Thats the feeling I get from it and when looking back on my practices it seems to highlight it as I’ll get to a certain point with practices and then they seem hard to keep them going.

  • Thanks for sharing Steve, interestingly I have had a similar experience many years ago which always amazed me, but contrary to what you said, I was able to repeat the experience for a while.

    By looking into nature, into a scenery of trees, mountains, or water in the distance, I found a way to think of the divine in a way that I felt an inward upliftment, I would repeat this method many many times. It was an intriguing little technique that I could switch on after a moment of being aware looking into a landscape. Then I moved to a different continent, and perhaps because there was not so much nature around (although I really don’t know the full reason) I couldn’t get to it, or it was as though the internal engineering mechanisms didn’t have enough fuel to achieve the same results — and I lost this ability. It was actually very sad for me, as I cherished so much being able to call out to the divine when looking at nature. Instead I had to face my new experiences without this connection, and that had a huge effect on me, but through that I had to keep finding ways, and perhaps get stronger inwardly to reach a communion with the divine. After some time I have found these feelings again, maybe milder, but a little closer (I can just feel them sometimes rather then look out at something). It seems the exploration, and the disappearance of those previous heightened feelings, and my expectation/demands of having them again, all played a part in rediscovering the spontaneous journey of connecting with the spiritual.

    • Hi Olga,

      I don’t know the reason why we loose that connection either, there must be a reason, could it be that it’s a teaching in some way, were we need to work hard to get that experience back again? It’s nice to hear that you started to find you way back to that experience of a higher level of awareness!

  • Really good insight, Steve. It’s definitely a challenge not to compare experiences. I remember in the very beginning of learning about awareness I got a wee bit of help and felt an incredible state of clarity and joy that’s sort of difficult to describe. It was double special because I had that experience off and on over a period of several days. I thought I finally understood that that’s what awareness is supposed to be like and started to feel very defeatist when I couldn’t replicate the results in the weeks to come. Until like you, I realized, that the replication wasn’t the point here at all.

    • Hi Jenny,
      those experiences are really magical and great, I feel that they try to point us in a direction to work too. It just crazy how the mind and ego’s try to suffocate everything, I guess that’s why the inner work is said to be a revolution within.

  • What a relevant topic to address, Steve. I can definitely relate very much to that. Sometimes when I go for a walk, I am remembering and trying to recreate the most magical moments of awareness that I had instead of just being aware. And when it gets bad, every step I take, I try to force those feelings again and think about how bad things are now that I’m not in the state from my memory…

    Thanks for sharing your experience. I’ll have to remember your approach in just starting from where I’m at, and remembering to accept the current experience as it is, the next time this ego is bothering me. In its essence, I know that’s “simple”; I just have to do it without the mind.

    I think from a broader perspective, there is just a whole lot of mental egos to investigate. Egos that don’t even seem like thoughts, but serve as mental blocks/attitudes, obstructing awareness. The mind is very complicated.

    • Hi Mike,
      I hope the article helps as these “ideas about the work” for me unintentionally created a type of barrier for me which I didn’t realize for a while, that I was so caught up in it! It was sort of like although I was trying to be aware the mind and ego’s where still dictating the effort so to speak as where from what I can see the awareness isn’t about an idea, image or thought and although we have to have a mental understanding about the awareness and consciousness from my understanding we can’t get to the consciousness through those ideas. It’s a tricky one because it sounds so obvious but until we can see the idea or belief then we don’t really know it.

  • Thanks for sharing Steve – and I know what you mean about this trap of the egos that trick the mind. It’s amazing how this comparison can get hold of things too – and make you forget to see what is in front of the eyes, and the experience that is happening like you say.

    It was bit like chazing something that could never be chazed, like a shadow – never ending.. And it’s made me reflect on where this is in my life too. Your experience was really helpful to make me see, that it’s not about recreating something per say, but to use the same understanding and apply it to life as it is happening – as every moment is different, and then brings about different things – yet awareness, self-observation and the elimination technique don’t change – yet I can see in myself as well how I can strive for ‘perfection’ when perfection is just another set of ego that have already decided that what I’m doing is not ‘it’ so to speak..

    How would I know what is if I don’t even try to be 🙂 I think that what you shared was not easy, but was very helpful, and well done on overcoming this hurdle, it seems that while it may have been difficult, it gave you a deeper understanding of how to be and enjoy the moment as it happens 🙂

  • Thanks for sharing Steve, it’s interesting to hear the ‘next chapter’ after your experience with seeing the thought!

    It’s such a shame that the egos can hijack these experiences. What starts as something so beneficial leaves within its wake such a lot of confusion! I can relate, especially as there seems to be a force at play that means experiences come quite easily when you begin trying them out, but as time goes on, more of a momentum is needed to get the same results. I’m in the habit of bemoaning this, which is a total waste of time and another way the egos seeks to drag the inner work down.

    Recently I felt like I’ve been given help with an ego I’ve been working on – for a while being able to live without its one particular manifestation and being amazed and inspired at how much better life was! Then it came back, or the struggle with it came back. At first I was upset at myself, but then I was able to step out of that sense of comparing one experience to how I was now, and was able to start work on it again.

    I think there’s a lot in what you say about finding the right approach, always trying to be open to learning afresh, rather than repeating old ways. It seems the inner work really demands this of us.

    It made me smile what your wife said about being a robot. Partly as I think I’ve been/seen other ‘aware robots’, partly as I thought, “aren’t wives just full of good advice!” 😉

    • Ha ha, I think have seen some ‘robots’ too Ella! 😀 Its funny how we can sometimes try to be ‘deadly aware’ and lose the natural spontaneity. In the same time, i found that being aware does feel different and people do look different when they are aware, but not in a stiff sense.

    • Hi Ella,

      I feel that the divine help us with early experiences and this inspires us and helps us move in that direction! And then as we go along it’s really up to us to make it happen and that’s were it gets hard because we have to overcome the ego ourselves as the divine won’t do it for us and that’s where I struggle too, keeping the ball rolling and in the right direction because to get an experience back we might have to overcome more than we first thought! I mean what if there a number of ego’s stopping someone from accessing the consciousness and work is done on one ego and then the work stops because the mind is saying that’s all that was needed! I mean who’s setting the internal work and to what level? The mind or our divine mother. All this just makes me see just a little bit more the power of the mind and egos and that we need to dig deeper to understand ourselves. The ego’s are terribly blinding but somehow we don’t see it.

      • Very true Steve. Someone told me of an analogy that made me laugh, of a little kid struggling to get over a wall, not able to reach, too weak to grab on to the little nooks and pull themselves up, not enough balance … then their mother picks them up from behind and lets them see over the wall (ooo, it’s beautiful!) and the kid thinks they’ve done it themselves (and are very chuffed!) But they haven’t, and then when they go to climb the wall again they’re in the same spot. I guess though, now they have the memory of that beautiful view from the top of the wall and it’s motivating … so long as they don’t stop trying as they’re too disappointed they’re on the floor again!

  • Sssh! I’m trying to be aware here! 8) Very funny to read Steve.

    But from the way you describe this trap, and what it lead to, it seems very serious actually.

    I think I can relate in some ways in that I spend so much time thinking about the spiritual work and how I’m doing, (good or bad and will I make it?) rather than you know— being in the present moment and actually doing it.

    I can relate to wanting to try to get the same experience we had before again. But like you say it’s much better to be open to experiencing the new, because it’s fresh and real, even if it’s different to that previous experience we had.

    • Hi Karim,
      It’s funny looking back now with the walk in the park awareness attempt and remembering the look on my wifes face! but it just goes to show how the mind and ego’s locked the consciousness in so I couldn’t experience the awareness I feel. Subtle egos in the back of the mind controlling things where I hardly noticed them and thought that I was doing the right thing by trying to be more aware! Very deceptive ego! And now I think about it what other thoughts do I have that determine outcomes in my life? Many, all barriers to being aware

      • I find it’s really a quest.

        The subconscious is constantly trying to drag us down, its weight upon us. I feel we need to fight it with strong efforts in order to break its hold, and even use the mind as a tool in this, so we can perceive the moment more properly. Like Belsebuub says: “Peace requires activity.”
        But I’ve also noticed that, perhaps similar to the ‘robots’, that our ‘drive’ to achieve it can become like any other goal the program of nature within us wants to reach. And we might end up trying to achieve a goal that is actually in the mind? And so we lose that connection to the present moment.

        So the words ‘being natural’ are a bit tricky imo. Because in a normal adult’s state that would just be allowing the subconscious, easy as that may be it is not a revolution in consciousness. So in a way we need to be ‘unnatural’ and make ourselves put the effort in to deny ego’s that come up. Then we can reach the inner state, freer of the cloudiness of the subconscious, where we can actually perceive life and the present moment naturally.

        I could go on and on, but anyway I don’t blame anyone for being a robot at some point when exploring how to be aware.

        I do also remember for a long time, and even now perhaps?, when going on awareness walks with others who are also trying to be aware that there was something that prevented me from really piercing through into my full awareness. Even though I was making a lot of efforts it just wouldn’t be the same as when I would be on my own. Perhaps similar to you Steve there was a state of mind, a hidden goal, around me like a bubble that I couldn’t pierce and didn’t notice. I saw that it was actually pride and an undercurrent of competitiveness to be ‘most aware’, this stayed in the back of my mind and blocked me significantly sometimes during whole walks! Not managing to entirely break it because I couldn’t see it.

        • Hi Karim,

          I wanted to pitch in to being natural about awareness.

          It’s a hard one to get right I found, and in my opinion, it needs a lot of practice to try and figure out what this is.

          For example, when there’s a lot of thoughts or emotions going on, it takes quite a battle to perceive the moment as you try to get out of this muddled state of being. The mind can get involved as well making it more complex than it is. So a certain effort is needed but you cannot force it. On the other hand, when not making enough effort, it’s easy to slide back into a lower state, so you try to experiment with how to use the techniques Belsebuub gives to come back to the moment and stay in it. Like Steve’s experience, it can be amazing when you get it right, but a lot of learning goes on to get to that as well.

          I too feel that the ‘robot’ state is something that can come up as you try to work out what it is to be natural.

About Belsebuub

Prior to withdrawing from public life in 2010, author Belsebuub had written several books and many articles on the topic of self-discovery. Read more

More Experience Sites

More experiences with Belsebuub's work:
- Dream Guidance
- Mystical Experiences
- Out-of-Body Experiences

Read more about this series of sites here.