I once had an unforgettable experience with the practice of self-observation and exploring the elimination of the ego as I learned from studying Belsebuub’s works on consciousness and personal development.
On one special occasion many years ago at a spiritual retreat held in the high lands of the Australian Alps, I was helped to see what the practice of the elimination of the egos could be like. The setting was beautiful.
During the retreat there were many practices held with night time astral practices & meditation practices and inspiring talks about the inner work but the one practice that stood out to me was an amazing awareness walk through the forest of the Kosciusko national park.
The walk was organized and we had a goal to achieve on the walk which was to learn something about the elimination of our egos during the walk.
The walk seemed to have a quality to it that is hard to describe but I was trying to be aware of the present moment and then take that awareness within myself to learn to see what subconscious elements or egos would arise within me.
As we walked along a forest track, I tried to do my best and as we continued on I started to feel an awareness that seemed to have a quality to it that was deeper than the awareness that I would normally be able to get from my own practices.
I don’t know if it was the spiritual environment or that I was helped by the divine but somehow something interesting occurred as I walked along.
The awareness seemed to penetrate a point that seemed to make time stand still, I knew I was walking and looking around but things seemed more focused and alive and internally I was very quiet.
The ego’s weren’t their normal selves by being loud and causing my mind not to focus, but instead the silence of the depth of that type of awareness was quite amazing. As this depth of awareness appeared to happen, I noticed that I was looking ahead and caught myself looking at the jacket of the person in front of me.
I knew that I was consciously looking at the person’s jacket; this perception felt different to my normal awareness and suddenly from looking at the jacket a thought rose in my consciousness but I just didn’t think the thought, I could see it visually.
I don’t know how this happened but I saw the thought rise in the consciousness and it looked like a mini fire cracker at a new year’s eve fireworks spectacle, so to speak – just like a firework that rises in the sky with its luminous tail, this ego rose inside of my consciousness.
As it rose I sensed what it wanted, what its energy felt like and truly understood that ego right there and then. I didn’t have to analyze it, my consciousness could understand it as it was. This ego felt bad and it was a negative type of thought but I wondered “How did I see a thought?”
I saw the thought rise, understood it and asked my divine mother for its removal and then I saw that ‘firework’ disappear from the scene. Wow! That ego was gone.
Then as I took a couple of more steps I seemed to lose that depth or perception that the awareness gave to me at the time and came back to the awareness that I was more used to obtaining with the efforts that I normally made.
But that moment of awareness was like I had stepped into a time vacuum because I noticed so much going on within me, assessed the ego, judged it and then asked for its removal all in the time it took to walk maybe 5 steps, if that really!
Just a small moment in time but so much happened in that moment that even now I don’t really know how it all occurred, except to say that this small glimpse, that small moment, in which I somehow peered into seeing egos consciously was something else, it was amazing.
This experience has stayed with me for many years and is quite amazing to look back on. It was a big help and was very uplifting and I can only be thankful that it was given to me to help me see in my opinion what could be possible with conscious awareness during the self observation practice.
This experience had affected my approach to being aware, self observation and applying the elimination of the ego technique in future attempts and practices with trying these techniques, but I’ll share more on that in another article some time.