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How I Reached a State of Forgiveness in a Tense Situation at Work

Mike L
Experience submitted by Mike L

I’m sharing this experience because I feel it illustrates the power of self-knowledge practices to drastically alter one’s perspective of a situation.

In this personal account, I had succumb to countless negative, harmful emotions as a result of what someone did to me, and only after I had “suffered enough” did I realize that I really needed to fight the psychological darkness and reach an understanding.

The understanding I reached was a struggle to attain and painful to uncover (because I saw some really dark things within), but I am grateful for the knowledge I acquired and the state of forgiveness I eventually attained. Given this overall context, let me start with the beginning…

Problem at Work

Photo by Eric Bailey on Pexels

At one point, a work acquaintance, “Alice”, say, who I was on quite friendly terms with, had done something that had a negative impact upon my work and I felt deeply hurt and frustrated. To be fair, what she did was well within her rights and I had no reason to expect or require that she not do what she did.

Perhaps her course of action was poorly thought out (I had evidence to support this), but I was powerless to do anything other than accept the situation. In this matter, she was in a position of power and to challenge what she had done was nearly impossible.

Except, while I accepted the situation from a physical perspective in that I tried to carry on working, psychologically, I was burning with rage and feeling despair. I felt immense hatred towards Alice. How could she have done such a thing? Did she not feel any remorse for her actions? How nice it would be to see her feeling remorse some day and for me to not forgive her, just to see her suffer… All these thoughts and more churned in my mind.

Wow… looking back that these thoughts, it’s both funny and scary to see what was going on.

I actually had trouble getting work done in the short run because I would lose my concentration to feeling angry or depressed about what happened. I just couldn’t accept what she had done. I even thought about quitting my job!

Yeah, it was bad: I was totally obsessing over the situation. Intellectually, I knew that the “wrongdoing” would have little long-lasting effect upon my work, but I couldn’t get free of the tormenting emotions. My emotions were winning over my intellect.

Deciding Enough Was Enough

One evening, I decided that enough was enough, and I had to do something.

I asked for a lot of help from above to overcome my dark feelings: as sad and angry as I felt, I knew, deep down, that the negativity was my own responsibility to eradicate and I could not rely upon my external surroundings to bring me happiness. I also did not wish to harm Alice (or others) through my negative feelings, even if my mind and emotions acted in contradiction.

I did a meditation on an ego exercise, that I had learned from Belsebuub’s works, knowing that I needed to see things from a perspective I was quite evidently lacking during the day.

Insights Gleaned

The meditation revealed such dark inner motives and justifications to my inner turmoil that it sounds terrible to write. I think first of all, I need to say that outside the realm of thoughts and emotions and feelings, when truly in the moment, being aware, I did care about Alice as a friend and wished her well.

But there were more unconscious elements that I had been oblivious to throughout my work with Alice. All of these elements worked together, “setting me up” for failure. To name a few:

  • attachments: I had become attached to “the way things were”, if you will, in how we related to each other on a day-to-day basis, and suddenly things were different.
  • self-image: a part of my sense of self was based in how I thought Alice and others at work perceived me; her actions threatened this sense of self.
  • selfishness: she had wronged me and I, therefore, no longer liked her.
  • self-doubt: the scenario lead me to lose confidence in the quality of my work, leading to low emotional states.

In addition to seeing the constituent parts of my emotional state, I saw how this general experience was not in any way new to my work with Alice.

I had been through nearly identical situations at a previous place of employment, back in high school with some of the friends I made, back in elementary school with different classmates, and in my extracurricular activities of the past.

The external circumstances may have differed, but in all the cases I could recall, there was someone with whom I’d had a similar “psychological history” as mine with Alice and who then hurt me with a similar mechanism. My troubles with Alice were as old as my life itself.

Coming out of the meditation, I had seen a lot, although I knew I’d barely scratched the surface. I followed the meditation on an ego with the Yoga Asanas, where I also focused upon eliminating the negativity.

The Next Day

The next day was better in that I had to interact with Alice and I did so rather normally. My awareness was generally stronger, but I wasn’t altogether fixed. My mind would still periodically dwell on the past. I proceeded to repeat my “cleansing” routine that night and the following night.

How I Reached a State of Forgiveness in a Tense Situation at Work
Photo by Bethany Legg via Unsplash.

By the end of all of this, I feel that I was finally past the situation for nearly all practical purposes; it no longer played in my mind, the low emotions were cleared, and I genuinely felt forgiveness for what Alice had done. I even managed to feel that genuine fondness for her again. It’s remarkable just how life-changing self-knowledge is. I don’t even know how long I would have remained upset had I not decided to work diligently upon the problem.

  • Thank you for sharing that Mike it came to my mind a situation where some one had been very cruel to me and at the time, I felt so angry at this unjust behavior, however I used the inner work from what we are taught on these courses. I remember going internally to my divine mother on many occasions almost non stop pleading to get rid of this terrible negativity I was feeling from this unjust behavior, from this particular person . It took a lot of effort and than came a very serene and peace full feeling of understanding and total forgiveness came over me it was so amazing to feel such compassion towards someone who had been very cruel and unkind to me and all I can say is I felt so Peaceful inside.It did take quite a lot of effort though.

  • It’s quite remarkable how much these technics can change our life.
    I can imagine how bad and for how long and probably under depression would be a person in your situation Mike, who didn’t know about them. Talking to such people it looks to me impossible for them not to get sick or start drinking or have a fight with their college in similar circumstances or to loose their job sometimes.
    From my experience as well it’s so painful sometimes, that the prayer and the meditation on Ego practice work as painkillers.

    Also, I have noticed that sometimes when I sort out the issue inside of me, externally things are changing as well by themselves. I was wondering how things were externally for you in that case after sorting it out.

    Reading such experiences I think they add more value to these technics and practising them becomes the conventional way of dealing with such problems instead of what is conventional for most of the people.
    Thank you for sharing it, Mike.

  • It’s terrible to stay locked in feeling hurt and hateful against the other person in such a circumstance, and yet that’s what most people are going through, what I have surely gone through… So it is quite amazing to read how you dealt with it all, reached a deep understanding of your own reactions and a pure forgiveness. This and the discussion in the comments inspires me to bring these efforts more into my own life too.

    I’ve also seen how there is like a blueprint or a pattern that has been appearing again and again throughout my life, the people who seem to cause me to feel this are different, but the suffering is the same. If you look at it objectively, what they did couldn’t match the inner turmoil you’re experiencing – they are maybe 5% of the problem and your own reactions are 95%. It feels so vital to look beneath the surface of your pain, at the mechanisms like you were describing, otherwise you stay lost in it and it controls you.

    It is even funny to think about our egos’ superficiality and selfishness, like you said, ‘She had wronged me, and I, therefore, no longer liked her’. Why do I like the people I like? Because they like me back? Or, even more importantly, why do I love the people I love? Where is that love when they have wronged me and hurt me, is it not that I just want them to know how much they hurt me and that they would hurt too?

    It is amazing to have the chance to see and understand like you did how we are actually hurting almost independently of the other person who seems to have wronged us, and therefore we have the keys to end the suffering. I feel it is urgent to make more use of them in my life, to move situations where I’ve remained stuck. Thanks for that 🙂

    • I like what you wrote here Laura.

      There was once a meditation practice I did that took a different route than I had expected. For someone reason I could really concentrate in a pure way and was able to go so many steps beyond the layers I was normally seeing ego states at and I just decided to go with it and delve deeper. But I wasn’t really prepared internally or at the level yet to deal with it so to speak. I traced my ego’s back and could see the reasons why I liked all the people I liked, the affinities and such, and I was shocked at how much my liking towards people was due to my ego’s. Was there even anything beyond it? It was very confronting, but I managed to ‘stay together’ because I had faith and knew I also had some genuine love inside. That night in a dream I was shown how I went very deep, but also just as quickly came back again. In the years after I’ve started to see and face these things more in a bit by bit way.

    • I can only imagine how powerful it might be to develop unconditional love. And then, to develop it for the whole of humanity, the whole of creation … when you start to see, like you say, how much we depend on how people treat us for how we treat them, you can start to realise just how shallow our love goes, how fragile it is.

      Even in families, where most people get their strongest experience of unconditional love, you can see how it gets manipulated by egos such as pride. It’s very often pride it seems: how well this person reflects on me. I guess I’ve still often thought that mothers have a very unique opportunity to develop love. It seems that the bond of carrying another being and looking after it creates one of the most unshakable kinds of love. Yet it’s possible to develop something much greater within us, by giving birth to these spiritual elements within.

  • Thanks for sharing that Mike. You described a type of situation that I think is quite common to everyone very well. It’s so hard to see things for what they are (i.e. who’s really the cause of those feelings within us), and amazing that Belsebuub’s work has shown the way to actually deal with things like that, when the tendencies of course are for us to just feel so bad and explode or react, etc. leading to much worse consequences. To address it is something easier said than done though, so thanks for the example!

  • Thank you Mike for sharing your powerful experience. You really surprized me with your honesty towards yourself and your responsibility towards the others. Reading your story I gained faith and courage to continue my efforts on similar life problems.

    I have been through a similar situation related to a relationship I have, a short time ago, and I can understand what you went through. Meditation practices helped me see the truth about what was taking place in me enough deep and for that to come to a state of fogiveness and find some peace. It was aftereffect, because I understood through my study my responsibilities for what happened regardless of the good or bad actions of the other person I was accusing.

    For me it’s magical to be able to see the truth in me, strong egos as my pride( very particular aspects if it as: self-image, self-dubt,selfiness, as you describe), fear, emotional attachments control strongly my mind and emotions and hide very cleverly preventing me, indeed self-knowledge is life changing. But usually I have to suffer too much to be able to see very simple and obvious realities in me and what shocks me more is that I deeply know through what I lived that without this inner struggle I wouldn’t be able to see them, I’m too much stuck in these negative elements.

    As others,I feel very gratefull I came across Belebuub’s work and got informed about these precious tools and techniques. I don’t know what direction my life would have taken without this precious information, but certainly it would be much more piosened, directed and deceived by my negativity and egos.

    Thank you again Mike and everyone for sharing your similar personal stories and insights on this subject, they help so much to get further insights about these difficult life situations and give much strenght and courage to continue and not give up.

    • Thanks for adding your comments here, Maria.

      It seems a lot of us here have been through similar situations, and that we have personally seen the value in challenging relationship and situations in gaining self-knowledge and gradually freeing ourselves from negativity. So difficult to do… but totally worth it.

      Much strength to you in your circumstances!

    • Thanks for sharing some of your insights Maria. I also feel, a bit, what you mean about suffering a bit too much and long before we eventually are able to see and change things.

    • Hey Maria,

      those states you mention are very strong states that can really put one person against another over and over again. I share the same feeling as you, that without having come across this work my life would have been very different and I would have been much more at the mercy of these awful forces.

      Wishing you many insightful meditation practises!

  • It is amazing that you had the strength to start looking at your own reactions to the problem Mike. It definitively stirs more emotions making it difficult to see the reality of the situation. I like that you focused your attention to understand what was really going on. I can relate to your discovery of how similar situations have unravelled throughout your life. I think it is important to see this pattern as then we can start feeling this feeling inside of us that is most likely always there governing our lives on a daily basis and this kind of situation just brings it out yet again in order to hopefully resolve it. It is also great that you saw how understanding leads to forgiveness – often people say that they forgive but never forget – which means there is no understanding and thus no real forgiveness, a great deceit.

    • That was a very good point Tina about deep understanding leading to forgiveness. It is very hard sometimes to get this deep understanding of a situation, and often we may even think we have it, but the reality proves otherwise. But once we get it, then the real forgiveness (and love) naturally arises.

      • Yes it seems like forgiveness is something that just comes when we find understanding of an ego – compassion for others struggling with that same thing, or less of a blaming attitude of our own, seeing more the reality of how we have contributed to any negative treatment we’ve had, etc. Also, it seems the consciousness is not ‘on the look out’ for things to pick at, but the egos really are. When we can’t forgive, we’re always on the alert for any little bolstering bit of evidence for us to maintain punishing someone who’s behavior is ‘unacceptable’. When we’ve actually forgiven is is like the ‘crime’ is forgotten, we aren’t ready to pounce on something based on a whole history to spur us on.

  • Thanks for sharing your story Mike. As I was reading through it, I could almost feel the uneasiness that you were going through. It must have been really painful to be in those thoughts and feelings as you were even considering to quit your job. There can be so much hatred and competition between co-workers, that is makes it hard for anyone to be in that environment. As you mention things can turn sour and remaining in that state is anything but pleasant. I think we can all relate to a point in our lives that we would have liked to run away as far as possible as the pain inside is just too much to take. It’s very inspiring to see how you dealt with it and wrote about it in such an honest way. It takes some courage to be honest with oneself and in a similar way it takes courage to confront and observe those negative states inside. Wishing you all the best and that you may have many more victories like this one 🙂

  • Thanks Mike for telling the story so honestly. It’s not easy to admit to having such strong feelings, but I can see that doing that helped you to address them.

    I am impressed with the motivation you got to overcome the negativity. It seems like there is a strength that helps to say ‘enough is enough’. I’ve had some occasions like this myself where the negativity was so strong that I vehemently resolved to change.

    However, on the more regretful side is the ‘a bit under enough’ negativity which I put up with on a regular basis. I wonder how to get the motivation to put an end to that too.

    • Thanks for your comment, Aleks.

      In life, we all seem to go through much suffering, which in and of itself can be a great catalyst for inner change. It’s as though the pain is there to remind us things aren’t okay just as they are. The trouble then lies in how we respond to those reminders and whether we look within or continue to blame the external world (which is so common). Even in looking within, it’s very special to have self-knowledge exercises to implement, otherwise the amount of change and understanding gained would be minimal.

      I can relate a lot to your observation of not doing enough about the smaller bouts of negativity. I wonder how one finds the strength and self-remembrance to work as diligently upon the smaller, “tolerable” aspects of negativity as one does upon the giant, painful ones.

  • Wow, how great Mike you managed to go so deep into that inner state! I especially liked how you found the connections of this particular behavior with your behavior in the past, where similar scenarios also arose. By you being able to spot this repeating pattern and ask for its elimination, I can imagine how much more free you must have felt afterwards.

    “Being wronged” is a very difficult one for me to deal with too, especially if it involves close people (“how could they possibly have done something like that to me? I would NEVER do that!” etc, etc…:-O). But I have seen how it definitely IS possible to get out of it, and the strength and peace that follows after overcoming this victim-like mentality.

    • Yes, somehow being wronged by those closest to us is all the more painful, and those events more easily lend themselves to the thoughts you’re describing. But indeed that freedom we feel after overcoming the victimized feelings is so incredible.

  • Thanks Mike I also understand exactly what you are saying as I personally have also experienced similar situations more times than I would like to admit.

    One thing that also stands out in these situations is the way in which I continually keep replaying the event over and over in my mind to a point were its like I dont have control over it, it is such a gift to have the techniques of Belsebuub to deal with these situations. I also wonder if I didnt have this imformation how long I would have been in those low states and the truth is they would always be there never to far away

  • Hey Mike,
    What a challenging period it must have been to go through, and thank you so much for sharing how you overcame it – not an easy task either, yet it must have felt rewarding in the end, being able to see all this darkness for what it was, and not something personal toward ‘Alice’ but something deep within.. It was also very inspiring to read how you decided to make a stand against this darkness, and not retreat from what you saw within, but instead be able to front it and get rid of it, get rid of all that you had been able to understand. Again, thanks for sharing, and wishing you many more success in taking down this negativity and uncovering the hidden love underneath it all.

  • Hi Mike, thanks for sharing your deep and personal experience. I found it very beneficial and inspiring.

    It’s great that you’ve managed to use Belsebuub’s techniques to remove your negative states which were obviously harming yourself, Alice, and most likely others around you. Most of all this type of understanding is a step forward in the right direction to free ourselves from so much suffering.

    I completely agree Belsebuub’s self knowledge techniques are very effective when used correctly, this is something that I’ve discovered many times. From your account, you’ve certainly had a great first hand experience, and I find that it’s such a great example which can help others to deal with their own difficulties.

    On this topic, I’d like to share a story which occurred to me while I was recently installing a floor for a client.

    Overall the floor installation was well on target and from a professional point of view it was being installed correctly. On the other hand, from the very beginning of the project the client had been extremely negative.

    I bit my tongue from the very beginning, but internally I was a mess. In my mind, I’d allowed a dialogue of negativity sing their songs about how right I was, and I wanted to react and correct him about his behaviour.

    As time past, the situation kept getting worth and it just wouldn’t stop, and while i continued this way there was nothing I could do about it. The client was totally unreasonable about matters related to the floor installation, and he was asking for work to be done which were completely unnecessary and clearly not part of my scope of work.
    The situation was now very heated, I could feel myself getting extremely worked up, I was literally burning up inside. I really felt like I was going to explode, my thoughts were totally out of control and I couldn’t focus on my work.
    The outcome from here on would surely be disastrous, and I desperately needed help to get myself stable and correct my behavior from here on.

    Although I’d been asking my Divine Mother to remove the negative egos, I obviously wasn’t doing it correctly since on reflection I wasn’t asking very much at all. And I continued to go along with the thoughts and my external negative behaviour.
    By this point, the egos were really strong and the asking wasn’t working. I’d been failing heavily and I only had myself to blame.
    I began to plead and plead desperately for my Divine Mother’s assistance but I was now sincere. I remembered to thank my Divine Mother for the opportunity not only to see but to remove these terrible defects which wanted to lash out at my client.
    I also remembered being explained that it didn’t matter whether I was right or wrong, if I’m suffering in a certain situation it’s because I need to work on myself. And therefore the problem was remembering to actually ask.

    I put my head down and focused on my inner work and finish the install with concentration on what I was doing. I also decided that it was best to complete the extra work which the client had asked for and to honest they turned out to be easy to address.
    As I worked on myself, I really focused on all the harmful thoughts especially towards the client. By miracle, very soon the pain began to lift and the situation changed completely.

    When the installation was complete the client did an inspection of the floor and I was quite surprised with his reply, “Thanks so much for going to all this trouble with the detail finishes to make sure the job was perfect, you’ve done a great job, and I’m very happy.”
    To be honest, I truly believed that he would not be happy.

    I was shocked at the outcome and although I understand that at times the other person can still be negative, I can see how important it is to ensure that I focus on my own issues. The rest is in the hands of the Gods.

    Thankfully the work of Belsebuub gave me the tools to address and correct this situation.

    • How amazing, thank you for sharing Chris! 🙂 I can relate to letting the ego grow to such an extent that its then very hard to get out of it even with the asking for the elimination technique. It seems after it gets this far, the only remedy really is to reach that heart-felt sincerity to eliminate these states no matter what the other party is doing. And because the egos are extremely telepathic, it is usually the case that the other person also changes their behavior towards us once we change ours.

    • Thanks for sharing your experience, Chris. That sounds really, really challenging in having to face someone’s negativity and unreasonable demands directly, while keeping self-control.

      Sincerity can perhaps not be overdone when it comes to eliminating the egos. It was only when you truly pleaded with sincerity that you were able to overcome the negativity and radically changed the situation for the better. And then you went above and beyond the call of duty, even having your client respond with appreciation and gratitude. Way to go!

      I guess a lesson from our experiences is that we mustn’t be halfhearted in our prayers, because we’ll then still allow strong negative states to feed. We need to be strong and go right to the root of the problem as quickly as possible. There is no time to waste.

    • Thanks Chris. Sounds like some great learning there through tough situations. Especially when you’re on a job like that it’s so easy for those thoughts to come up (and emotions stirred) and it just keeps escalating during the work with everything reminding you of it and triggering it. Till, like you say, you’re bout to explode. Glad you managed to pierce through in the end with your prayer. Must’ve been so much more rewarding! and so different, compared to externally reacting and lashing out.

  • Very inspiring Mike. I like how you used the Yoga Asanas after the practise – seems like that would add a strength to the whole prayer.

    I can definitely relate to the sense of being psychically tied to someone in an invisible war, even if it’s more of a one-sided attack from my end. I remember at one period I was locked in this horrible exchange and worked a cleaning job in the evening. For some reason, every time I got to one of the offices I entered these thoughts. It was as though, after one particular strong immersion in these egos in that place, there was some kind of association, energetically, mentally, or something, that meant I would just start off the same chain of thoughts as I entered that physical space. It was also quite an ‘ugly’ office, a bit dark and cluttered compared to the others, and maybe that kind of took me to the dark places in my mind. (Cleaning is a great thing for training awareness and self-observation – it can be so mechanically done, the mind just wanders around, or it can really help to ground yourself in the present …)

    Anyway, I really had to struggle to get out of this – I changed around my routine to go to the office at a different time in my shift, changed the order that I did things, and all this helped to snap me out of it, but not until I was able to really face the painful feelings of ill-will and betrayal that my mind spun upon could I genuinely feel free of the pattern. It seems to me it takes a really deep penetration into the situation with a practise like you mention, to get to those feelings of wishing the other well, and then once that’s been found, to stay on top of the fight when the usual thoughts try to return.

    Thanks for sharing!

    • That sounds like quite the battle you faced in cleaning that office, Ella, but I’m glad you overcame it. It’s interesting that you felt that way, despite, perhaps never having met the person in that office?

      I know it’s almost time for me to do some cleaning in my apartment. I’ll try to remember to use it for training of my awareness, instead of letting my mind wander.

    • That’s interesting what you shared Ella. I can relate to that situation in two separate ways 🙂

      One, there was once a period of time when I used to go to clean a family member’s office every once in a while. Similarly, it was cluttered, dirty and even grimy in places, inappropriate painting in one room, just had this overall saddening, uncontrolled feel to it. I always used to find myself descending and getting locked into really dark, swirling thought patterns and low feelings when cleaning there. And I agree about cleaning in general – it’s easy for the mind to fly around uncontrollably if you don’t do it consciously and deliberately, with focus.

      Secondly, I’ve found myself going into the same mental debates and dark emotions towards someone when entering a certain space in my home, where I had allowed my egos to indulge in it before. Or even just going to a place and starting the same thought pattern or emotions again, that I had been into before and then forgotten when I had gone to a different room. Or could it be that just the impression of the place sparks off the same thoughts and feelings by association?

      There used to be a time when I was suffering from depression, and would sink into very dark feelings and thoughts, sometimes for a long time. Then that room where I used to feel that would start to get a low, depressive feel to it as well. Just makes you realise how it is true your thoughts and emotions don’t just stay in your head but do affect other people and the places you are in in a real way.

  • Thanks for your comment, John. Yes, it was very rewarding in the end. I was just amazed at how difficult it was, as you relate, in facing the darkness head on. I can’t imagine what I would have done to face this without exercises in self-knowledge available to me.

  • Hi Mike,

    I really enjoyed your account and also your dedication by using the tools that you’d acquired from Belsebuub’s work, your story sound very rewarding and it certainly sounds like you’ve gained a great understanding to overcome your difficult situation.

    Having been in similar circumstances, I understand how difficult in can be to face the darkness head on.

  • Hi Mike,

    While you say that it seems like your experience in forgiveness is insignificant in context to perhaps the greater feats and hardships of enlightened beings, to me your experience is a testament to the miracles of inner change and how tangible they are within the limits of our personal lives and what we face each day. Hopefully these little miracles are the very stepping stones and guides towards greater things. Thank you for sharing, I found it truly uplifting.

    • Agreed. That’s also what I thought Olga.

      Despite the scale or level I believe it’s actually a similar principle.

    • Yes, Olga, I think it gave me a lot of insights in terms of the hardships of the path, and I reflected on that a lot.

      That’s a neat point, Karim, that the same principle applies throughout the path, regardless of the scale. At least this is the sense I’ve gotten in reading through Belsebuub’s blog, too. Wherever we are at internally, to take the next step, we’ll have to go through personal suffering to acquire new understanding.

    • Yeah, good point. Belsebuub says the challenges of the path repeat, getting more subtle and intense as the path progresses. I’ve often looked at events in ‘ordinary’ people’s lives and thought ‘wow, that’s such a test/that’s so similar to tests on the path’. It makes sense that, if awakening is the real reason for life to exist, then all of life contains these trials. I’ve also felt that the challenges I’ve gone through are similar to tests on the path – just much more mild, and I often react so terribly I start to get a real appreciation of how difficult real initiations must be!

      • So true Ella – it really goes to show how connected the spiritual work is to the so-called ‘ordinary’ life.

        Spirituality, tests, initiations etc.. are in fact submerged in the ordinary perhaps because they have been designed for the ordinary in the first place – to one day become extra-ordinary.

  • I really liked that insight where you came to see that this same situation had occurred before. That seems very telling. Pointing to us having to look within despite the particular current external situation or person, to solve the problem.

    What I’ve noticed in myself, and what I think also shows in your experience, is the tendency to ‘obsess’ about this person who’s done us wrong. With our thoughts constantly trying to prove we’re right etc. I don’t want to be thinking about this other person all day, like my boss or whatever, very unwanted and tiresome (among the many other downsides negativity causes.)
    Even though we’re debating only an image of this person in our head, it seems that we’re actually still sending those waves to the actual person. Interesting how that works. Sometimes when I’ve been completely oblivious that someone’s angry with me I don’t seem to ‘catch’ those waves. But when I do notice there can be the whole weight of it suddenly upon me. Not sure how it all works yet. At other times when I do know, or sometimes even when I don’t yet, the heavy and low feeling on my solar plexus from other people’s negativity is very unpleasant. Like a very low emotion or energy in the emotional centre, but you can’t get rid of it like an ego and are just sort of stuck with.

    Great relation of your experience Mike! Very handy sort of manual when facing such a thing 😉

    It must’ve felt nice to just continue your work without that whole inner ‘lump’ there. Also your account shows, especially from a distance to the situation, how life is really just a gymnasium, to extract such learning from to gain something more permanent.

    • Yeah, I wonder, too, about how the subconscious waves travel between people. Like you, sometimes I don’t sense the anger until I’m actually with someone who is angry with me, and I’m not sure if I should be capable of perceiving it otherwise. And I wonder how many of my negative emotions have reached/affected others at a distance.

      I feel on one hand, the low feeling we get due to another’s negativity towards us, is a result of an ego. The anger they feel could be akin to a musical note, that can resonate within us in different ways: guilt, depression, retaliation, etc. I do think that consciousness can sense the negativity, too, but perhaps an objective sense doesn’t feel as bad, allowing us to stay “hermetically sealed.”

      I did have an interesting experience recently where, despite being at a distance, I suddenly thought of someone and felt a storm of emotions in my solar plexus for maybe 1 or 2 seconds. But the emotions didn’t feel like my own and I wasn’t identified with them. They quickly passed. I wonder if the person I thought of at the time was feeling that way towards me.

About Belsebuub

Prior to withdrawing from public life in 2010, author Belsebuub had written several books and many articles on the topic of self-discovery. Read more

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