One night, while I was meditating I had an interesting experience. I am not sure if it was an astral experience or a vision but again maybe the two are similar.
Exploring Belsebuub’s Technique: Meditation on an Ego
At the time I was participating in one of Belsebuub’s courses. That week there was an ego that everyone in the course was looking into with the goal to investigate and understand more.
The technique we were using was explained by Belsebuub as a “meditation on an ego”. I have found this meditation practice a great way to get insights into aspects of myself that could otherwise be hidden or obscured.
During the day I had been observing myself to get a better collection of information about the ego I was studying. I was watching my reactions and behavior, a technique Belsebuub gave called Self-Observation. I wanted to overcome some bad habits that were harmful to me, but also to others.
I was practicing meditation on an ego almost daily that week. I really wanted to understand the way a specific ego was working in my psychology. I would retrospect the ways it had functioned during the day and how it got to become such a big part of my life and way of being.
I could see the ego everywhere; in everything I did. While I felt I was putting in good efforts, I also felt somewhat clouded and sometimes overwhelmed at the information I was coming across. I wasn’t really sure how to tangibly move ahead with the results; where was I going with them? What was I missing?
Another Opportunity to Meditate
One particular night I had gathered with a few people to practice the meditation on an ego. I had been looking forward to practice with the group since it had always previously given me an extra boost of inspiration and focus.
I sat comfortably on some cushions, relaxed my body and started meditating on the ego I had chosen that week. As I was going through the meditation steps I was eager to find out why I had been allowing that ego to cause so much pain to myself and to others. I wanted to get rid of it and be free from it.
As time was passing and as I was getting more and more into the practice I started drifting in and out of sleep. I would gently fall asleep and then wake up again almost instantly. Sleep would smoothly take me over again and after a few moments I would wake up.
This drifting in and out of sleep had happened to me before but in interrupted ways; like when there was a background noise of people talking nearby which would occasionally keep waking me up. This is not what happened to me this time though. In this meditation exercise I was experiencing a very gentle and pleasant drifting in and out of sleep that gradually started feeling very peaceful and almost other-worldly. I was more interested in staying focused and gaining something from the analysis then getting pulled into a deep sleep, and this interest kept bringing me back to continue the meditation whereas other times I would have just given into sleepiness.
At one time, as these peaceful feelings increased and sleep gently took over, I was able to see through my eyelids. I knew that my body had fallen asleep but I remained conscious and didn’t drift away in a dream. The sensations I was feeling were similar to other times when I had astral projected, and so I continued in this state as I want to explore the ego further. As a result of being able to see into the room while I was physically sleeping, I was able to see a few things that were only visible in the astral plane.
A Vision in the Astral Plane
An unusual scene started unfolding in front of my eyes. Someone rushed into the room and was quite disharmonious. He said and did a few things that created disorder in the practice room. This person’s actions had a ripple effect which brought on the same commotion on everyone else.
After that scene had finished, a couple of more scenes unfolded in front of me. They were equally disharmonious and disruptive.
The atmosphere in the practice room was very calm and peaceful. Because of this peacefulness the scenes that appeared in front of my eyes really stood out to me and felt unwelcome. They were out of place not just because of the disharmony they were causing but also because of the impact that they had on the people participating in the scenes I was experiencing during this particular astral projection.
I understood that the attitude of that disruptive person reacting in the scenes and how those scenes developed were all representations of the ego I was studying – but they were telling me something I hadn’t seen before.
What I realized from this experience was that I was looking into the ego in a very general and broad manner. There wasn’t really a focus but I was just spotting random manifestations of one big ego. I wasn’t focusing on one aspect or particularity of a specific ego so that I would understand it better and get rid of it, I was never going deep enough to study a particular close up of the mechanism of the ego.
Seeing the very specific manifestations as a disruptive branch of the main ego in my astral vision helped me understand how I should approach the meditation on an ego practice in a more focused and methodical way. This subsequently gave me a good insight of how I could go even deeper into the workings of my own personal psychological defects as I would watch out for their specific peculiarities throughout the day.