One night, while I was meditating I had an interesting experience. I am not sure if it was an astral experience or a vision but again maybe the two are similar.
Exploring Belsebuub’s Technique: Meditation on an Ego
At the time I was participating in one of Belsebuub’s courses. That week there was an ego that everyone in the course was looking into with the goal to investigate and understand more.
The technique we were using was explained by Belsebuub as a “meditation on an ego”. I have found this meditation practice a great way to get insights into aspects of myself that could otherwise be hidden or obscured.
During the day I had been observing myself to get a better collection of information about the ego I was studying. I was watching my reactions and behavior, a technique Belsebuub gave called Self-Observation. I wanted to overcome some bad habits that were harmful to me, but also to others.
I was practicing meditation on an ego almost daily that week. I really wanted to understand the way a specific ego was working in my psychology. I would retrospect the ways it had functioned during the day and how it got to become such a big part of my life and way of being.
I could see the ego everywhere; in everything I did. While I felt I was putting in good efforts, I also felt somewhat clouded and sometimes overwhelmed at the information I was coming across. I wasn’t really sure how to tangibly move ahead with the results; where was I going with them? What was I missing?
Another Opportunity to Meditate
One particular night I had gathered with a few people to practice the meditation on an ego. I had been looking forward to practice with the group since it had always previously given me an extra boost of inspiration and focus.
I sat comfortably on some cushions, relaxed my body and started meditating on the ego I had chosen that week. As I was going through the meditation steps I was eager to find out why I had been allowing that ego to cause so much pain to myself and to others. I wanted to get rid of it and be free from it.
As time was passing and as I was getting more and more into the practice I started drifting in and out of sleep. I would gently fall asleep and then wake up again almost instantly. Sleep would smoothly take me over again and after a few moments I would wake up.
This drifting in and out of sleep had happened to me before but in interrupted ways; like when there was a background noise of people talking nearby which would occasionally keep waking me up. This is not what happened to me this time though. In this meditation exercise I was experiencing a very gentle and pleasant drifting in and out of sleep that gradually started feeling very peaceful and almost other-worldly. I was more interested in staying focused and gaining something from the analysis then getting pulled into a deep sleep, and this interest kept bringing me back to continue the meditation whereas other times I would have just given into sleepiness.
At one time, as these peaceful feelings increased and sleep gently took over, I was able to see through my eyelids. I knew that my body had fallen asleep but I remained conscious and didn’t drift away in a dream. The sensations I was feeling were similar to other times when I had astral projected, and so I continued in this state as I want to explore the ego further. As a result of being able to see into the room while I was physically sleeping, I was able to see a few things that were only visible in the astral plane.
A Vision in the Astral Plane
An unusual scene started unfolding in front of my eyes. Someone rushed into the room and was quite disharmonious. He said and did a few things that created disorder in the practice room. This person’s actions had a ripple effect which brought on the same commotion on everyone else.
After that scene had finished, a couple of more scenes unfolded in front of me. They were equally disharmonious and disruptive.
The atmosphere in the practice room was very calm and peaceful. Because of this peacefulness the scenes that appeared in front of my eyes really stood out to me and felt unwelcome. They were out of place not just because of the disharmony they were causing but also because of the impact that they had on the people participating in the scenes I was experiencing during this particular astral projection.
I understood that the attitude of that disruptive person reacting in the scenes and how those scenes developed were all representations of the ego I was studying – but they were telling me something I hadn’t seen before.
What I realized from this experience was that I was looking into the ego in a very general and broad manner. There wasn’t really a focus but I was just spotting random manifestations of one big ego. I wasn’t focusing on one aspect or particularity of a specific ego so that I would understand it better and get rid of it, I was never going deep enough to study a particular close up of the mechanism of the ego.
Seeing the very specific manifestations as a disruptive branch of the main ego in my astral vision helped me understand how I should approach the meditation on an ego practice in a more focused and methodical way. This subsequently gave me a good insight of how I could go even deeper into the workings of my own personal psychological defects as I would watch out for their specific peculiarities throughout the day.
Nice insight you gained there Christos. I also struggle at times in only being able to see certain egos in their broad big picture view, and then I can’t seem to gain any ground on them because I’m looking at them in a way which is too generalized. This is a good reminder of this lesson. Thanks.
I am glad that you shared this experience with us, Christo.
I feel that I get often taken away by all the egos that are manifesting during the day, which makes me unsure on what to focus. On the other hand, when I did focus on one particular aspect of a certain psychological defect I could see the little manifestations of this aspect very clearly in the daily life and in fact, I could see it everywhere – in relation to other defect’s manifestations as well. It feels that this focus is very much needed, which brings about a well thought and practical approach to fighting the egos. It reminds me of a war – that needs to be well organised, fighting a specific thing at the time and then move on to the next one…
Just wanted to share that this article really helped me to find a new way to approach the practise. I hadn’t quite got the hang of ‘honing in’ on one aspect of the ego’s manifestation. It really helps, I’ve been able to see this particular behaviour much more clearly during the day, go against it, and have even managed to feel free from it for some time, which is motivating.
This was a great example of how important it is for us to look for the details in our egos. It sounds like you were offered help and insights by staying focused and not giving into sleep. A great lesson learned. Thanks Christos.
HI CHRISTOS,thanks for sharing your experience with meditating on an ego
a very important part of the spiritual work that can help us bring light where we
need it the most.
Very inspiring testimony of what the meditation on an ego practice can give us in regards to self-knowledge.Thanks for sharing. I can relate to the feeling of wanting to get rid of an ego, especially when it becomes obvious that we are harming others, with our behavior, even those we love and think we are good to.
Thank you Christos for sharing your experience. Thank you for describing this beautiful and powerful meditation in a so methodical and detailed way, you inspired me deeply. I can relate to a lot of things you mention about it, but also you gave me further insights of it.
Reading your story and looking back, I see how difficult it is for me to search determined and specifically for a specific aspect of an ego in my day and to seek deeper for it in my practice. Usually this happens to me and I have the momentum to do it when the circumstances in my life requires it.
Thank you everyone for sharing, helps to understand deeper.
Hey Christos, amazing experience with seeing through the eyelids! it was interesting how you stayed concentrated with the practice when you drifted in and out of sleep and the resulting experience occurred with the visualisation or astral experience, it must of been helpful to get the insight into that ego.
Sounds like an amazing experience. It inspires me to study my egos more deeply. Thanks Christos 🙂
Thanks for sharing your experience and for offering some useful tips about some of things that helped you delve deeper with your meditation practice. I know I don’t practice this technique nearly enough times and knowing how beneficial it is, this is a good reminder to do so.
Thanks, Christos, for sharing such a clear illustration of the power of meditation on an ego and the sorts of insights that can be given to us if we do it well. What a wonderful and instructive series of visions to have!
I had heard that drifting in the “in-between” sleepy state when meditating on an ego can be very useful, this is really a great illustration of that. It’s also interesting to me how your interest in the practice kept you from drifting away, and shows me a bit the difference between just doing a practice and really exploring it.
When I was first learning about egos, I used to ‘label’ them when I saw them, as though somehow when I said “that’s anger” in my head, I was gaining knowledge about them. It was very self-deceptive. When I learned to really observe the egos as they are, instead of lumping them together, it was like actually seeing them, instead of deceiving myself that I was seeing them.
I see what you mean Julian. I still do things like that. For example when an ego is too strong I can get carried away commenting about it and intellectualizing rather than observing how it functions in me.
I also found it valuable to re-hear the importance of studying a specific ego or set of ego’s in the meditation practice.
I find that if I try to look at the ‘whole’ thing it’s very difficult to get into and it often stays very superficial. Yet at times when I started with one specific thing and the practice was going well I could trace it all the way to exposing bigger links and roots of the whole thing.
I find that when a practice is really going at a high level then falling asleep in it (or the night after) can give us amazing insights like you describe. It makes the learning come to us in this hollistic kind of way, getting a fuller picure. But for me falling asleep in a failed attempt to do a practice doesn’t bring results and just gets me down.
Like Justin mentioned it’s such a help that you were shown these scenes, given to perceive so clearly the exact flavours of it, which the astral is really conducive to.
Thanks for sharing Christos, the insights on the specific ego’s are useful to read as well.
Thanks Christos sounds like a very valuable experience looking into the smaller aspects of these egos, your efforts really highlight what is needed to gain these deeper insights
Thank you Christos for highlighting the need to focus on a particular aspect of an ego during the meditation on an ego practice. The confusion and lack of focus you describe is something that I also have difficulty with. Since it is relatively easy to see a major ego (eg. fear or anger) on a daily (or even hourly or even more regularly) basis the meditation is directed towards the whole thing and it can seem too big to tackle. But, looking at a specific detail, I guess maybe frustration related to food (just an example) is more manageable and can lead to an understanding that can be implemented in real life.
Thanks Christo for sharing this experience. It showed how much related is the study of this practice to the knowledge we can gain about the ego in the astral plane. I think your inner preoccupations about the missing piece led you to get a very tangible answer and help for your approach, your understanding, and that was great to read.
The knowledge I can get in that dimension also helps me a lot to get deeper meanings about the study of the ego and I always admire the ways that our Being is using to teach us. Even when something is urgent to see and correct, there is always a good ”pushing” way, led sometimes to a recurrence of the main psychological defect for a couple of nights till I really get the importance of this aspect of ego and start working upon.
What an insightful experience Christo, that’s a real testimony to the power of the meditation on an ego practise. It’s interesting how you say there’s a need to see very specific manifestations of the ego – that’s something for me to consider for my own practise – thank you.
I can see that regular study of a certain state combined with meditating on it can be a powerful tool for self-knowledge and change, but also that it takes a lot to get to a place where the practise works and then to maintain that. Recently i got to a point with the practise that I started to see it in my dreams and have my understanding of it challenged, it felt like things were starting to get moving, and then BAM – the ego hits back with a new force. Reading your experience has brought a fresh angle and inspiration to push forward with the practise and find new heights – thank you.
Hi Christos, Thankyou for sharing your personal experiences with us. I find it very inspiring to hear your accounts of working hard to understand and remove the particular ego that was causing you harm. It is nice to hear how you received much needed insights into the defect you were working on 🙂
I personally have discovered how beneficial belsebuubs technique ‘meditating on an ego’ really is, especially when i am remorseful and pray from the heart to my divine mother, asking her for much needed help to understand a particular ego in a new light and to disintegrate it from within, so that i can be free from the harm it causes not only myself but others around me.
Thank you for sharing Christos, it is amazing that you were able to go so deep with the technique of meditation that you reached this clear and insightful state. I have to say I also have big problems to see my egos in enough depth during the day to be able to meditate on them properly. The guidance from dreams and astral plane can therefore be of a great help.
Thanks Christos for sharing this. It gave insight and inspiration to me, specifically about the need to be methodical and very precise in observing and understanding the different aspects of the egos.
It is also amazing how in dreams or experiences it is possible to see these scenes that give you knowledge about an inner state – and exactly what you need to know at the time. What a precious gift those teachings are!