Learning about the Effects of Anger and Negativity on Others
I used to take part in online forums a lot, and one day I found myself in a heated online discussion with a person I barely knew. We were exchanging our views on something I no longer remember, and even though the discussion eventually ended by some sort of resolution, I still felt a lot of resentment towards that person.
I remember feeling quite negative towards many of their subsequent posts, thinking that they were just revealing what a ‘weird’ person they were. At the same time, I could feel this negativity from them, which manifested in either ignoring or answering some of my posts in a cold/negative way and I also had a strange feeling of “being enemies” even though we barely interacted.
This “virtual exchange” would go on for a while, until it reached a point that I started feeling very uncomfortable about it, and like it was a downward slope which I didn’t really want to follow, especially given that I was also learning at the time about spirituality and this felt contradictory to what I was yearning for to achieve within me.
At that time, I didn’t know about the technique of the elimination of negative inner states that I later learned through Belsebuub’s work. I decided to simply stop sending and feeding that negativity which I had been feeling toward this person and in my mind, I sincerely apologized to them for my behavior up until then.
I made an unshakable decision to only feel friendship for them no matter what they would be expressing in their online contributions. I felt a beautiful sense of peace and calmness after this, and almost completely forgot the whole thing for a few days.
However, I was soon to be reminded of the whole thing in an unexpected way. Suddenly, I noticed this person replying to my posts in a very nice and friendly way; I could not spot even a slightest sign of the former hostility. I waited a bit, thinking maybe they just had a good day or something, and after some time will return back to their negative way, but it never happened.
This experience showed me the power our thoughts and attitudes towards others can have, and how very real they are, to the point of having very concrete consequences, as Belsebuub had mentioned in his work.
It also showed me the powerful effect that a sincere care and love had on helping to overcome negativity, even over such a distance.
What a nice experience Lucia. It goes to show what we can do when we just make a decision to change our ways, even without the powerful technique of elimination. This is good to be reminded of – thanx!
Hi Lucia,
Thank you for sharing this experience. I can relate that even through distances and indirect communication, it’s possible to have that type of emotional exchange. It seems like we’re prone to leave our energetic imprint and intention on the things that we do and it’s great that you were able to amend it with that person. I know that once the damage is done, it can be very difficult to change the situation.
I also appreciate your observation about being able to change the interaction only when you really want it. Perhaps it’s a matter of training that type of sensitivity and connection to the spiritual within us, so that it can quickly pull us back when we go astray.
Thanks Laura and Lucia, I can very much relate to all these ‘interactions’ underneath the surface between people. It’s interesting because you can’t measure those energies so well physically perhaps, yet it’s such a real thing! Energies, feelings and emotions that became very observable when we start studying within.
One aspect of this whole subject that I’ve been looking into is, a bit like Laura mentioned, the presence of this underlying feeling towards others, even though we’re both pretending something else on the surface :-)…yet underlying there’s this sort of clash or there’s something wrong with the relation or connection, so both are on the defensive so to speak. I see this happening a lot at work actually. Where someone else and I both sense there’s something off, and they are suspicious about me, and I out of fear try to pretend to be normal or socially acceptable or whatever. They then in turn notice that in my pretending there’s obviously a superficiality or insincerity so they perceive something is off so remain suspicious. I then again try to try to rub away that underlying atmosphere pretend even more, going deeper into that socially acceptable talking, joking etc.
But then I’m behaving in ways I really do not want to, being untrue to myself. This makes me feel a dislike for others because I don’t want to do that and then they in feeling there’s something wrong go through the whole thing I just went through, haha! This is horrible. It would be much better and freeing to just be myself. I hope studying more will allow me to properly break those ways of being. I’ve noticed, although it’s not always so easy, that if I am honest, being myself, then others also don’t have to go into that whole game and in fact we’re cool.
Anyway nice example story there Lucia.
That’s interesting Karim what you said about trying to be social, joke around, etc, in order to hide your underlying negativity/uneasiness. Looks like all of us have our ways of dealing with this, before we decide to apply the elimination technique. 🙂 I have personally found that “just apply the technique” does not really work if there is not the understanding about the situation and a heartfelt desire to change things as I mentioned before. But how to get that heartfelt desire to change it is a question… Sometimes it may take longer time before I get to that point, maybe I need that experience, learn something from it, etc., before things are “ripe” enough to be changed, since each case is different. But having said that, it would be great to quicken things somehow and to be able to always just eliminate the beginnings of these feelings so they never develop…
Thanks for sharing your experience of overcoming negativity in this encounter Lucia. It’s worth bearing in mind the ability of our negative emotions to reach others, even when they are unseen or unspoken.
With regards to working to reduce this negativity, I agree that we need to have an understanding of why it’s harmful, and a will to change, in order for our efforts to be truly effective. However, this is something that seems to occur gradually, as a result of persisting in applying a counter-force to the negative reactions that come up within us. In fact, it seems that we only really gain this understanding as a result of freeing the consciousness that was trapped within those negative egos.
Working to eliminate the negativity within us seems like a kind of training, which we need to exercise consistently in order to gain the strength to overcome our reactions during very difficult situations. We could compare it to physical exercise, where we may start with an intellectual idea of why it’s beneficial to be fit and healthy, but unless we engage in physical activity consistently and regularly, we’re not going to develop the strength and stamina to be able to endure situations that demand a lot of physical fitness. Likewise, if we train ourselves to become more emotionally stable, we can gain a kind of psychological stamina that enables us to face increasingly tough challenges and “rough terrain”, some of which we may have felt unable to face before we started to practice this skill.
Thanks Michael and Lucia for sharing your understanding. You’ve both brought forward some very good points which are worth deep reflection.
At times, I find that it’s very difficult to appeal to my Divine Mother for the assistance yet I always desperately need her to remove my negativity, and I agree that persistence is so important. Having been given this opportunity, it’s guaranteed that the egos will find their way in our temple, but knowing what I know about the inner work, it’s so shameful to allow this negativing to continue once their in.
I’ve also discovered that it’s so rewarding and very important to always remember to thank my Divine Mother for putting me through situations. And more and more I’m understanding that it doesn’t matter whether I’m right on wrong in a particular situation, I’m obviously there because I need to work on myself.
For now, I’m very thankful for those small moments of peace and love that I’m able to experience, and with my very limited understanding, I will keep searching and pray for those magically moments of true Love when I’m connected to my Divine Parents, a divine Being, a family member, a friend, and even a total stranger who may even hate me.
Nothing of this material world has ever given me such an experience, and it’s so worth using the tools that I’ve acquired from the knowledge of Belsebbub to fight every step of the way for a deeper understanding.
This is very funny Karim, but so true! Both are suspicious yet trying to pretend to be normal. It’s interesting how talking honestly about this can just dissipate it and clear the air so to say, but it requires quite a lot of courage, sincerity, humility and clarity to take someone you don’t know so well aside and know what to say to help the situation instead of harming it. Maybe it couldn’t even be possible in many instances.
There has been this awful theme playing out in my life at times, where I feel the victim of someone’s desire for friendship imposed on me. I don’t like them but pretend to like them so as not to hurt their feelings, but then I start to feel like I’m suffocating and cut that person completely off of my life and end up really hurting their feelings. I can even remember this occurring when I was 7 😮 I really want to find this courage to be true with other people because how can I live my life allowing them to draw me into their subconscious psychological schemes (because obviously they are not seeing reality clearly, reality being my not being so excited about being their friend, but are seeing someone that is available to fulfill a role in their subconscious design). By doing this I contribute to the overall pain and suffering around me, whereas if I were conscious I could find a way to lessen it.
Somehow, a person who is not pretending in their interactions, actually is not off putting or weird like fear might like to make us feel, but instead has a certain type of charisma about them that invites other people to relax and be honest about themselves too. It’s like you said, when you see a person just being who they are (in their consciousness) and interacting simply and truthfully you feel a kind of relief that you can do that too.
🙂 Your examples are unbearbly relatable Laura. In my childhood and teens I’ve also had whole periods of being friends with others where (although there often was also an affinity or certain ego’s that I did ‘like’) I would feel very unpleasant actually… Isn’t that odd. Indeed I didn’t like being the person they expected me to be, yet I was too afraid to be honest. It’s funny because there are many ‘fears’ which I might be good with let’s say in the astral or whatever. Yet these social fears still have such a huge grip on me.
I know what you mean about those people who are honest and invite others to be the same. One of those people where I find this very obvious is the documentary maker Louis Theroux, everyone just seems to start being honest because of his attitude, almost like confessing.
Oh wow … that’s a really great example of the complicated labyrinth of the mind Karim! We used to use a specific word for this awkward feeling in certain people’s company or situation: “sketchy”. It’s tinged with paranoia and you’re painfully aware of your inability to act naturally and the whole things just spirals into a deeper psychological mess. I just checked the meaning and it’s, ‘dishonest or disreputable’; I suppose that is what your behaviour becomes when you start to enter into these games of side-stepping each other’s egos.
In my experience all relationships have a lot that goes unsaid, sometimes it becomes so loud it’s unbearable, other times it’s a constant nagging cloud that alters your interactions slowly. So many judgements are made that shape how we see another person and how we treat them. Over time, if they’re not dealt with, or if there isn’t a strong enough force that makes you work to overcome them, the relationship often can’t withstand the pressure and you loose or lessen contact with that person. It’s those relationships that you can’t let fade away, with family for example, that give such a great opportunity to face these unspoken energies, also as those relationships normally contain love which acts as a motivation to stop hurting another.
The only other way I’ve known friendships to last and overcome this pressure is either if you’re very honest with each other and are able to say: “I’m feeling like this because you said that/did that and I’m sorry,” etc., or if you’re both involved in trying to change, and the relationship is healed by periods of being able to be good to each other, small acts of forgiveness and understanding between you, and compassion. It’s been the people that I’ve met who were also interested in spirituality, and had a grasp of these destructive telepathic energies and a longing to be without them that have become some of my greatest friends.There’s a willingness to forgive and forget that enables your interactions to ‘breath’ and a trusting bond to develop. I think without learning the techniques for inner study and the removal of these emotions from Belsebuub, I’d sadly see a lot more of my friendships and interactions tainted by these little invisible monsters.
I can relate to what you said about how our attempts to present ourselves as being something we’re not can create a feeling of uneasiness in others. I remember there was a young guy who used to serve me on the checkout at the supermarket and he was always doing his best to smile and be friendly. He seemed like a nice guy and he probably had good intentions of making the customer feel welcomed etc., but sometimes I found it a bit too much, as I got a feeling that deep down he didn’t really want to be there, but that he was trying to cover it up. In fact, I feel a bit mean saying this, but sometimes I used to actually avoid going to his checkout as a result.
Of course, if the checkout guy had been miserable and rude, I would have also avoiding going to him, but I think when there is an honesty in our interactions with people, which doesn’t come either from negativity or from trying to live up to what we feel are others’ expectations, it can have the effect of putting others at ease, as they don’t feel the need to be defensive, or have any suspicion about our intentions.
That was in reply to Karim’s comment, by the way 🙂
That’s very nice that you made a conscious decision to not feel negativity against that person Lucia despite what they felt about you. I’ve tried to do this as well on some occasions and it’s incredibly difficult but also very rewarding. It’s nice when our reactions and behavior is independent from how other people feel about us. It gives that sense of freedom and peace.
That’s a very interesting experience Lucia, thanks for sharing. It’s great that you looked and addressed your own negative behavior and prevented further harm to yourself and the other person. Situation like that can be so rewarding when we experience true remorse and love for the other person. I’ve discovered that it’s much harder to achieve that understanding when you address your own side of negativity but the other person chooses dislike you, judge you and even hate you.
That sounds like an advanced level to me, John. 🙂 I mean the situation when you do your part, but the person still continues being negative or hateful towards you. I can’t say I have experienced that yet, but I can imagine how difficult that must be.
What an interesting interaction, Lucia. It’s amazing that negativity doesn’t exist just between people in close physical proximity, but that the negativity can occur all the way across the world, even between people who haven’t even met face-to-face! And it’s awesome that by you working to reduce your negativity, the interactions changed..
I think Laura’s point on the feeling being shared is also quite interesting. I often wonder when I feel different emotions towards someone at a distance, how much of those emotions are my own and how much is a result of how they are feeling towards me. I guess as your experience illustrates, the most important thing is to get rid of our own negativity.
Your experience is simple but contains many lessons and insights Lucia, very nice!
I can really relate to this unspoken resentment and enmity growing between you and a person you interact with frequently, maybe even through gestures, looks, things left undone or unsaid etc. rather than through direct words. It could even be a misunderstanding on my or their part, I think they did or said something that looks negative towards me, so I begin to believe they don’t like me and start to dislike them, then they start to think I don’t like them etc. and then there is this massive silent unseen interaction taking place on another plane. It is incredible when it happens online, but I’ve experienced that too. Interesting how we can sense, create and perpetuate this negativity even through such a limited medium. Then just seeing their name on the forum etc. sparks off all kinds of exaggerated reactions in the emotions and thoughts.
One time I had this kind of an unspoken negative thing going on with a person who lived in another country, a few thousand miles away, but any time I would think about them, I would get this black, sinking feeling in my solar plexus, and would intuitively know they felt this about me, but it was my feeling about them too. It’s hard to say how much of a feeling is whose because it is somehow shared. To cut a long story short, there was a point where like you I also resolved to start being nice to this person without waiting for them to be nice to me first, and that eventually turned things around, along with talking, etc. But it’s different if it’s a person you hardly know.
I admire your strength in resolving to cut out all the negativity and send that person friendship instead! 😮 And it’s amazing what the result was, how their negativity was completely gone. It shows how much we could change around ourselves just by changing ourselves internally, also the responsibility we have about our lower states and way of thinking, as well as their power. It’s kind of easy to stop yourself from reacting negatively externally most of the time, but it’s the thoughts and emotions that are more difficult to manage and contain. Sometimes I sense there is an energetic thread if you like extending from my solar plexus to another person that my egos have something against, are judging, want something from emotionally, etc. Cutting the thread helps to be more free of the negativity, but of course it’s the elimination of the egos which is the ultimate solution. Makes you wonder about all the things that are going on between people that we don’t see.
What I mean is… that because the egos create the thread, it won’t much help long term whatever you do with it because the egos will just create it again. But it was an interesting thing for me to see and that asking for it to be cut like applying the elimination made me feel more detached from the person and my reaction and made me feel more sealed internally, though just momentarily. Hope it makes sense.
Hi Laura, yes I know what you mean about the solar plexus thread. Actually, once a person told me that they felt my negativity was hitting them in a solar plexus. :-O As usually, the negativity was going both ways, but I guess I was not so sensitive to feel it in a particular area of my body. I also found it sometimes takes time to reach a sincere enough resolution to go against these things, but once this strong resolution is there, its like most of the work has already been done. Otherwise we may be applying the technique of elimination, but if we don’t really sincerely feel the need to change the situation/relationship, it won’t be very effective.
Hi Lucia,
That was a great experience Lucia, because in it you were able to see the power of thoughts, and like others have said here, I have felt it too hitting me in the emotional centre – like at times being at loss, knowing someone is negative towards me, and not knowing why – sometimes it can be a simple misunderstandings, but it can really be felt. And guarding myself against those feelings makes me too aware of what I send to the world too. And it really taints things, the energy is so much lower, and it makes discussing anything very awkward as well – like not knowing if what you say will be interpreted in a certain way or even realizing that the tone of voice I have is hiding an ego.
There is so much to learn in simple communication really, but I liked what you said about that sincere resolution to go against negativity, how that feels that it’s half of the battle won – I’ve seen it too when there is that sincerity in the asking there is usually some level of understanding behind it too – personally it is that repentance that gives me that sincere desire to get rid of it no matter what.
I feel that it helps too to be able to see that whatever takes place, I can see it all within me, at various degrees, sometimes worse, sometimes less, but still, it is usually very prevalent in one way or another. So then, Jesus sayings about “Whoever is without sin among you, let him be the first to cast a stone” feels very relevant in order to remove that negativity too. Because how can I fall for judging someone else when in the first place whatever bothers me is there in me? Yet fall for it I do, and cast the stone I do – at least being able to see it, something can be done about it, like what you did for example, by stopping to send negativity – I bet when you got the technique to eliminate egos, that must have been awesome to be able to finally get rid of those resentments too – very liberating and like a weight being lifted!
I’ve also observed how those emotional interactions or attachments feel like strings extending from the solar plexus. Once I was in a place where there were many people around me. At a point I became aware of pressure in my solar plexus, when I observed it I discovered a type of attachment and dependence on the people around. It literally felt like strings connecting to them. I asked them to be cut off and the relief I felt resembled cutting something off.
This makes me think how in the Durga mantra (used to stimulate the overcoming of ‘ignorance and evil’), the word Vichche (meaning “to cut”) is also used.
i like this way of interpreting ‘Vichche’ Pavlin; I’d always seen it as cutting the heads of the egos (as the decapitated head is a common feature in religious art and especially Kali is seen with them) but this brings a new dimension to it that feels right.
These invisible threads really can pull through space. Many times I’ve felt a connection, both good and bad, to someone in a distant physical place. Perhaps this web is what pulls us through life, these strings are the puppet’s strings!