My first experience of true and profound inner peace took place after I had been taking Belsebuub’s online courses for around 9 months or so.
Going for a Walk
I had gone on plenty of walks before to practice awareness, having small glimpses of inner peace, amidst a slew of emotions and mind chatter, but even then, I would mostly be thinking about being aware instead of being aware.
Around the time of the experience, I had recently learned more advanced techniques of self-discovery, and I was understanding better how to use awareness which led me to have a greater capacity to fight off my different thoughts and emotions and to clear them. And with this greater set of tools at my disposal, I went for a walk one evening.
I left the residence hall, where I was staying. It was a Friday night, and many of the students were having parties and enjoying themselves. I took my leave to go out into the night and search for peace.
The walk began as any other, with my battling my mind. All sorts of thoughts were attacking me. I observed them as best I could, working to achieve a clear inner state, not getting caught up with them. Emotions churned within me, some very heavy ones, which I began to break free of. This also lead to a clearer mind. But I still wasn’t really experiencing inner peace.
Each time I observed a negative state and got out of it, I seemed to stay locked in my mind thinking about what might come next, as opposed to “being there” with my five senses as well.
Making an Extra Effort to Experience the Moment
I reached my usual turnaround spot and I could have returned back to my room, having done a little practice and having minor results, but I decided I’d keep going. Instead of turning around, I turned a corner and kept walking.
In this next phase of my walk, I built upon what I had been learning in my walk to that point in observing and clearing emotional states, but I also put in an extra effort to try to experience the world around me with my senses. It was not easy to sustain this effort, but I kept with it, achieving small, perhaps half-second flashes of basic inner peace when I felt perceptive of my environment and didn’t have some sort of inner state taking over me.
I continued my walk, by now having nearly tripled my normal walk time, and I sustained my level of intensity. Although having these flashes, perhaps several per minute, was nice, I knew I could go deeper.
By now I was building a nice momentum and had reached a point where I could catch the thoughts and emotions as they arose and clear them, without being taken away first, and this took me to longer and longer periods of sustained clarity, maybe a second or two at a time. It was towards the end of my walk, as I walked down the final block back to my residence, beside some other apartments, that I had the greatest success.
I took a step, like any other, and cleared an inner state, then my next step was like walking into paradise. As I took that step, a deep wave of peace fell over me, like none I’d ever known before.
My whole body felt light, almost like I was floating a little bit, and I was aware of the movement of every muscle down to how my elbows moved and how I breathed. I could hear sounds off in the distance, but my surroundings were quiet.
My vision was suddenly expanded as I not only saw the lights of the apartments and the parked cars in the street, but I could somehow perceive the stars in the night sky above my head where I wasn’t even looking. Time seemed not to exist, at least that’s the feeling I got.
And even more amazingly was that I felt like I wasn’t “just” a body, but the consciousness manifesting within it, and I felt a strong and profound spiritual strength within… I was truly in ecstasy, just walking.
Shortly before the end of the block, a thought crossed my mind and knocked me out of that blissful paradise. I then came back to fighting for this inner peace, with a much more limited perception.
I crossed the street and walked across a big field to return to my dorm, and the experience began to sink in slowly: how amazing it was to be conscious! And how empty the experience of normal life felt, by comparison. Gone was that amazing clarity and peace. In came emotions and thoughts.
Although it was not as long as I would have liked, the experience was profoundly impactful upon me as I could see there was a lot more depth to awareness than brief bouts of clarity: tapping into consciousness and the feelings of the essence through awareness can bring about highly spiritual perceptions and experiences, the likes of which are scarcely experienced in day-to-day living. Being able to achieve that sort of state permanently, I believe, is a truly worthy aspiration.