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A Powerful Experience I Had Meditating on an Ego

Experience submitted by Fotis

One powerful experience I had after coming across Belsebuub’s work was doing the practice of meditation on an ego. It was during a period when I had spotted a side of me which was poisoning my daily life and was making me unhappy. I decided to collect as much information about this part of me as possible in order to form a picture of the ego and then later go deeper into it through meditation.

Initially, I was surprised by the amount of small and bigger events I found in the day. These ego manifestations were almost everywhere. In whatever I did, they were putting a finishing touch or determining my decisions.

After a certain period of inner study, I met a huge resistance from myself to continue on searching. My initial enthusiasm was not enough to help me overcome the resistance I felt. It was a time I didn’t want to observe and feel myself. Probably because what I was seeing within myself was too unbearable to be faced.

After that, any practice of analysis through meditation became increasingly unyielding and didn’t reach the point of asking for the defect to be removed, which was always the ultimate aim and final part of the practice. Then, it was like I accepted my defeat and I stopped trying to go deeper. It was a side of me that prevented me from getting as much information as possible before I could ask for its elimination.

Around the same time, I went on a retreat with some friends; I wanted to use a special room for practices that was set up. Doing the meditation on an ego practice, I found again the strength to look back on this defect. What followed was staggering.

Me meditating in nature.
Me meditating in nature.

In no time at all, all the memories of what I had learned about this ego came to my mind, fast and stormy. I could see and feel all of the images and flavors of that ego so strongly that I almost felt ill, so I turned to pray to the spiritual part within me. Turning my sight like that caused a powerful feeling to happen inside of me. I felt crumbled and pieces of me scattered. At the same time, I started sobbing like a lamentation. And after that a great silence.

Getting out from the practice room I felt so light, so nice and peaceful that I wished it could last for ever. I remember at the corridor I met a friend who was sick the day before and I made a sort of comment when he was passing by. A bit later this friend came back to me to thank me because of how much this comment touched him. I don’t know what happened but I know it has always been one of my favorite practices that seem to have affected elements inside and outside of me.

Overall, it was a redemptive experience that I’m grateful for happening. As I continue practicing the meditation on an ego, the exercise is different, better and more valuable each time. The last part of the practice is always special and I think makes this particular meditation unique compared to other kinds of meditation practices. It really is a blessing to have come across this practice from Belsebuub and see how I can change myself in such a profound and personal way.

  • Thank you Fotis for sharing this powerful experience. Life is magical and unexpected, we find the strength to continue trying, when we are thinking to surrender.
    I feel too that coming across this practice from Belsebuub’s work is blessing, “.. saw how I can change myself in such a profound and personal way”. I can relate to the impact this practice had upon you.
    Describing how you helped your friend, I feel that many times it’s not really what we say, but how and from what state we are in.

    Thank you again for sharing your inspiring story.

  • Sounds like a really powerful experience, Fotis. Amazing how much resistance there is to look at an ego sometimes — it’s a stumbling block with this practice that I encounter often myself as well. It almost seems like when I’m in that place (an impasse) with the practice, that’s the time to somehow manage to dig in with more sincerity.

  • Thanks for sharing that experience Fotis – it sounds like a powerful one. It’s good you were able to keep pushing forwards despite the resistance and to gain some peace and self-knowledge as a result.

  • Quite nice experience Fotis, Thank you for sharing.
    This practice is magic, as you can discover new things about yourself when the simple train of thoughts in daily day brings you in a deadlock.

  • Hi Fotis,

    I can relate to what what you have mentioned regarding the huge resistance felt when starting to look deeper into the subconscious. There have been moments where i have felt horribly ill when doing a meditation on an ego. Where I have lost concentration on the practise and missed the opportunity to truly investigate the defects that continue to cause so much suffering within myself.

    Its great to hear how you had overcome these resistances and actually got great results, not only for yourself but for others around you. Hearing these accounts gives me much inspiration to work harder.

    Thanks for sharing your experience

  • I have noticed many times how much you like to do this practice and was often wondering where you find the motivation. Thank you for sharing your experience.

    • I know. 🙂 Observing on several occasions Fotis’ eagerness for meditation on ego has actually encouraged me in approaching the practice myself. Thank you for sharing this strong and very personal experience. It’s helpful.

  • So beautiful to read. I’m glad the group strength helped you to push past the internal resistance to study that ego.

    I can really relate to that feeling after a deep meditation on an ego, feeling lighter. It’s like a whole new world opens up, as we have come to understand and partially destroy an obstacle that has distorted our perception for so long.

    Very inspiring!

    • Thanks Mike
      You know what? The first time I had this very light feeling, almost flying, was after a holy confession session I had with a nice and gentle orthodox priest. I used to have those sessions maybe ones per year, years before I start studying these subjects, but was only once with the particular priest that I felt like that. I guess that a sincere confession with prayer is a combination that makes things work like that. The thing is that with the techniques Belsebuub shares we are able to reach the depth of the understanding which can create a great momentum this prayer to take us off.

      • That’s quite interesting. I guess a sincere confession has that effect, as obviously a meditation on an ego and appealing to our Divine Mother is a form of confession.

  • Hello Fotis, thank you for sharing your insights on this practise. I found your experience very inspiring and your sincere efforts to correct your mistakes are heartfelt. Hopefully you will have many more spiritually rewarding results.

    I can relate how egos are poisoning our daily life, to be honest it’s terrible how they destroy any hope of love and happiness in our lives and especially the lives of others.
    From your account, it’s sounds like you a got a deep understanding from your compassion towards your sick friend. I really hope that we can all find this unconditional love towards our brothers and sisters and free ourselves from these horrible egos.

    • Thank John and everyone for your comments.
      John, I just said to that person “you look much better today…” but I think it wasn’t what I actually said that touched this person but something else.

  • That’s a beautiful experience you had Fotis with analysing that darkness within and praying for help.

    I also find it great that in that special practice room, or perhaps through some divine help?, you were again given the opportunity to look into those ego’s. It’s amazing how, if we can get into it, the practice can take us so deep and give us so much understanding!

    But what stands out most to me from your account is the amazing gift and potential of change that this practice (and the teachings accompanying it) gives us. And if we use it it is beyond amazing. As you say, a real blessing.

  • Very interesting how after the practise you naturally knew what to say to help this person, it seems without thinking about it – like your essence had been freed by the practise to know what to do. You sum up really well how the practise goes hand in hand with prolonged study of a state. One without the other seems like an incomplete ‘plan of attack’.

    Wishing you much strength to continue!

  • Wow, that sounds like a powerful experience Fotis. Just from reading it I feel the effects it had on you and the peace that sometimes comes as a reward. I too found that certain egos can really bring me down or shake me from the inside when I see them everywhere in my day. So it’s a good reminder to keep going and remember the rewards we get when we succeed. I will go for a meditation early today to catch my egos by surprise 🙂

  • It was really touching to read your experience Fotis. Thanks a lot for sharing! I can relate in a way to the inner resistance to see more of yourself and go deeper with the practices, especially with this particular meditation. It sounds like a powerful experience indeed you had and inspires me not to give up and to go against what is trying to stop me. If I don’t understand or see something immediately it doesn’t mean almost magical things can’t happen when the time is right. Patience, persistence, courage.

About Belsebuub

Prior to withdrawing from public life in 2010, author Belsebuub had written several books and many articles on the topic of self-discovery. Read more

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