One weekend I went away with friends and we rented an old cottage out close to nature. We wanted to get out of the city, be able to take nice awareness walks outdoors and have time to focus on some of the spiritual exercises, like mantras and astral projection.
The cottage we rented was quite old and it turns out it was haunted by the ghost of the man who had built it, lived his life there, and gone crazy. Of course, we did not know any of this history when we booked it, but quickly found out the first night.
The First Encounter with the Ghost
I ended up sleeping on a couch out in the main living area that evening, while others were nearby in small rooms coming off the main living room.
As I got closer to sleep, I felt myself sliding into a dark, chaotic, crazy scene. There was a male figure present, very menacing, and he was shouting expletives and thrashing about crazily, as if out of his mind. The scene felt so heavy and dangerous that I woke up terrified.
One of my friends woke up as well, startled by a crazy man he saw in his dreams. Another friend saw the same dark figure in her dreams.
Every time I tried to go back to sleep, this menacing figure was there, and seeing how we all had similar dreams it was apparent that there was an entity present and tied to the cottage we were staying in.
Dealing with Intense Fear
As I would try to drift off to sleep, I could feel his presence in the main room, right near the edge of the couch, almost as if he was waiting for me in the astral. At one point in a dream I saw that he had a knife, and he tried to cut my leg with it. It was like going into a continuous nightmare.
Because this experience was so dramatic, I felt an intense ongoing fear which basically lasted through the night. It was unusual for me because unlike smaller fears that were more commonplace, like the fright of discovering a big spider in the house, or feeling nervous about having an unpleasant conversation with someone, this was a different kind of fear altogether. It was more raw and basic, and survival-based I suppose.
Tackling Emotions of Fear with Self-Observation
During the night, I found through self-observation that this was an interesting, albeit scary learning experience. I noticed that my immediate reaction to the fear produced by the ghost was to try and avoid it. Internally, it was like wanting to ‘get away’ from the feeling, cover it up, or pretend it wasn’t there. I truly wished it would go away, and that I could escape from that awful feeling of being terrified.
The only thing was that this emotion was so large, and that ghost wasn’t going anywhere, so there was no escaping it for the night. Each hour that went by when I’d drift off to sleep, only to encounter the menacing figure and startle awake, the fear stayed firmly entrenched, producing various effects in my body.
Since I couldn’t escape from the situation, I eventually began to observe how the emotion was functioning inside me, which is what I had learned from Belsebuub’s courses.
In the video below Belsebuub explains how the egos and the subconscious work, and how the consciousness functions when freed from the egos — that is what I was striving to get to internally given the circumstances.
Logically, I knew that I was not in a life-or-death situation. Although the ghost was extremely scary, he wasn’t hurting me physically, and each time I nodded off and woke back up in my body during the night, I was fine. Scared, for sure, but not hurt in any way.
It dawned on me, after several hours of this going on, to finally just look inwardly at the emotion. I noticed how it made my stomach tie up in sickening knots, my heart pound, and my mind imagine all kinds of wild scenarios where I didn’t make it through the night. The other thing I realized was that the emotion and all its baggage was a separate entity from me.
There was me, and there was the emotion inside of me, but it wasn’t actually me. And seeing this separation was so helpful, like a light bulb going off about how to understand and deal with fear.
If the horrible emotion I was feeling wasn’t actually a part of me, that meant there was an opportunity to remove it, whereas if it was just a part of me then I was stuck with it for the rest of my life. I saw how ignoring it, which was my initial impulse, wouldn’t get me anywhere with removing it since it didn’t allow me to see it as a separate thing from myself.
I had practiced self-observation for a few years before this event took place, but this magnified example really let me see how the emotion of fear could totally cripple me. Had it been a different emotion I might have been able to tackle it more easily, but the way I naturally wanted to deal with the fear was to just run away and hide from it.
This presented a problem though, because although running away from fear seemed like the easiest solution, it didn’t actually work. No matter how much I pretended it wasn’t there, the situation forced me to see that it was there, and an absolutely massive emotion at that.
It was also interesting to see how once that emotion got a grip on me, my thought processes became muddled. For instance, why else would I start imagining all the ways I might die at the hands of a ghost when it wasn’t actually hurting me physically? Those were irrational thoughts, produced by the intense emotion I was feeling, and just left me completely frozen and feeling trapped.
Reflecting back on the situation, this was a valuable insight into the mechanism of fear, and what happens if you don’t actually deal with it.
Incredibly, the next morning we found a written history of the property and the family which had lived there for decades. One part of the written account told of the man whose wife had died, and then he had gone crazy, in the end eventually guarding people from entering the house after her death with a knife.
Although the experience was scary I felt lucky to be able to learn firsthand not only about the supernatural, but also about how to observe and deal with a strong ego with detachment.